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Although we have plenty of topics in mind and plans for future content, we would like to provide the content that you, visitors to the Bipolar Blog, would like us to cover. We invite you to post questions or describe issues you would like us to cover. Due to time constraints, we may not be able to answer all questions individually and we cannot offer specific medical advice or counseling, but your questions can help us determine which areas we need to focus on. Please post your question. We will try to select at least one question per week to answer.

77 Responses to “Post a Question”

kevin on August 17th, 2007 3:02 am

good evening. I have had bi polar for a time now but just been diagnosed . have been in the hopital many times phsy ward. lost my job after working 27 years sales.back in 2004 and havent worked since. used up my 401k money to try new carrer shot down on both trys. kicked out for no show from school. missed family funerals. I am going for a psycological exam at the end of august for ssdi. I am not sure if I am crazy. should I go back to work or try. I just dont know what to do. my doctors dont seem to be helping Is there any body out there who has felt this way. am i just making this up my mind is boggled. thank you
MD on August 25th, 2007 11:09 pm

Kevin, I find that the place in my brain that is bipolar-affected is the same place that seems to want to talk me out of my illness.

Those things that you feel and described so well in your post on August 17, 2007 (at 3:02 am when you probably couldn’t sleep)….the things that you said in that post: “I am not sure if I am crazy,” and “Am I just making this up?” are the same things that many people with this disorder feel. The bipolar brain analyzing itself is always a noisy circus act.

Before you can move forward and make life changing decisions about whether to continue to work or whether to apply for social security disability instead, you need to find the truth about yourself. Only you know for sure if being bipolar renders you unable to work. No doctor can tell you whether or not you can or cannot work because everyone with this diagnosis is different. Many of us can work successfully by tweeking things to compensate for medications’ side effects, and other challenges which are unique to us as bipolar individuals. Many of us can work but then stop working due to things that happen in our lives which are directly consequential of being bipolar. Everyone is different.

“The truth will set you free,” is a powerful statement that can be applied to any situation in life. If you start by taking your own personal inventory of your life and of your work history, you will find patterns and sequences of living that will help you to remember why being bipolar is considered a “disability.” We all have to grab onto that reality and not forget it…..then, ask ourselves, “Can I function successfully WITH this disability in a work environment?” It’s quite possible that you cannot, and that’s okay. If you can work, that’s okay too. There isn’t any right answer, only the truth to be found, your truth – not mine or someone else’s. Finding the truth isn’t always easy, especially when we are looking for it within ourselves with a brain that is bipolar. But finding that truth is possible, and when you find it, that’s where you will find your freedom, your answer to this question.

Try to walk out on what you think is the truth about yourself and see what happens. If you are wrong, you can choose the opposite. Either way you will learn much about yourself and be closer to finding the peace that we all who are dealing with double-mindedness (bipolar disorder) seek so desperately. All the best to you.
david on January 3rd, 2008 11:43 pm

hi this is david from manchester if u have read my story u will know i am struggleing i am not on meds as one sends me down the other up they never seem to keep in the middle anybody got any ideas as for the above questions i to keep thinking am i making this up its like writeing about
somebody else not myself it gets harder to keep from losing ur sanity
i have to cut my self of from all out side stimulus to try and controll
my emotions some times it works only the problem with this
is u miss out on life .kind regard david
Joe on January 4th, 2008 12:54 pm

Hi, David–

You need to find a psychiatrist who has experience treating bipolar disorder. You may need a combination of medications to stabilize your moods–a mood stabilizer to treat the manic side and an antidepressant to treat the depressive side. Unfortunately, it can take some time for the medications to have the desired effects and for your body to adjust to them. Trying to deal with mania and depression without the aid of medications can be too great a burden for anyone. Please get professional help. If one doctor doesn’t work out for you, find another.
david on January 4th, 2008 9:23 pm

hi thanks for the reply joe i should of said i hsve seen two psychiatrists
both who wounld not commit them self is the ocd causeing the moods or moods causeing the thoughts so i took it in to my own hands changed
docs and got referred to the clinic of effective disorders thats where afer a medical blood tests and three hours of questions they came up with bipolar 2 stroke 1 and ocd possable borderline counld it get any worse
i have tried all ssri meds most give me hypomania like i said the trouble is
when i take carbamazapine or depakote they stop most of the hypomaniia
but make me feel totaly stress anxious and agressive with the kids that when i panic and drop them and as u know if u come of something that brings u down u fly back up twice as strong they gave me seraquel to calm me and help me they made me even moore stressed and depressed
so if they cant calm me what can it seems so simple to me give me
lamical with the carbamazapine as i have been adviced to stay of ssri meds
but the british nhs service doent widely use this like the states and he wouldnt give it to me so like i said here i am at quare one loony toons .
any similar experiances like this would be greatfuly shares
kind regard .david
david on January 16th, 2008 8:34 pm

hi david again first of all sorry for mailing so many posts
as u know i am on no meds at the mo and want to start the carbamazapine
and zolft that the doc as now given me but i am to scared as each of these meds sends me either way on there own also the question the question i wanted to ask was the syptoms of bipolar2 from what i have read account for the ups and downs even the parania but why do i feel like a child in a adults body all the time unable to cope with my emotions or unable to express my self one moment ok with poeple then nasty with them like its all there fault i am like i am im 39 and i act emotionaly like i am ten some times is this common with bipolar 2 and anxiety or could it be somrthing else any insight would be grateful kind regards david
Joe on January 17th, 2008 9:35 pm

David–Has your doctor tried you on Lithium? My wife just started taking carbemazapine and that seems to be working well for her, although she says she’s been feeling a little tired and achy. Trouble is, she might have the flu. Sometimes when you might think the medicine is the problem, it could be something else.

Not sure what to tell you about the rapid mood shifts. I think maybe some of the irritability and anxiety you can feel during a mixed mood episode can lead to sudden shifts. I’m glad to hear that you are working with your doctor and wish you the best.
david on February 15th, 2008 6:31 pm

hi joe can i ask u a question if im not feeling up i feel down and i can stop blameing my partner for my problems it all her fault for holding me down or its her insecureity thats the problem did it effect ur partner like that
i hope u dont mind me asking just looking for some advice to why i blame her for everything also when ur partner took lithium and now shes taking carbamazapine did they or do they make or feel deprested at first
as thats the reason im finding it hard to stay on them thanks for hereing
me out joe i ask ur advice because myself and my partner are most
likeley at the stage u and ur partner was when u was thinking about splitting up like u say weather its the kids we love each other or we just couldnt take that sort of turmoil we are sticking it out sorry if the question
was to personal will under if so kind regards dave
Joe on February 15th, 2008 6:51 pm

Hey, David–

I can’t tell you and your partner whether you should stay together or split up. Cecie and I decided to stay together, and from my perspective looking back, I think we made the best decision for our family. I do think it is a mistake to split up when moods are cycling. You can’t possibly make a rational decision when the moods are getting in the way.

I would say treat the disorder and make sure the moods are stabilized and then meet with a relationship counselor to hash out any issues that remain. Trying to work on issues when one person in the relationship is manic or depressed and not thinking clearly can be counterproductive.

I’ve found that when Cecie’s moods are cycling, we often get into arguments and she tends to find fault with me. When her moods are stabilized, the faults she saw in me magically disappear. I haven’t changed, but her perception of me becomes much more negative when she is feeling manic or hypomanic. Treating the disorder first removes it from the equation. Then, if she still finds fault with something I’m doing or not doing, we know it is a real issue we need to resolve and not something drummed up by the disorder.

Hope this helps. Remember, I have no qualifications as a doctor or therapist. I’m just a regular Joe speaking from my experience.
david on February 19th, 2008 9:55 pm

hi joe it isbecause u are speaking from experience that i find ur advice so helpful pdocs are great at dishing out meds but to hear what u have to say
as a person on the receiveing end of bp and to hear the syptom that ur wife as makes me realise i am not alone in the way i feel in this illness
and also makes me realise how my partner must be feeling and ur right
when i feel calmer all those arguments and irratations with har do go away
that the most frustrating thing one min im great with her then the next everything she does anoys me thanks for hearing me out again joe
and hope we can chat again i have tried bp advice sites but find them hard to do when i cant concertrate this site is so easy to use kind regards david
Robert Custer on April 17th, 2008 12:11 pm

Do you think a combination of different herbs can cure any form of bipolar disorder and if so what are those herbs?
Joe on April 17th, 2008 2:06 pm

Hey, Robert–

In Chapter 9 of Bipolar Disorder For Dummies, we discuss a host of alternative treatments for bipolar disorder, including ECT, light therapy, vitamins & minerals, and herbs, used alone and in conjunction with traditional forms of medicines and therapies. For example, some people claim that St. John’s Wort is useful for treating the depressive pole in bipolar disorder. (Of course, unfortunately, like most other antidepressants, St. John’s Wort also increases the risk of triggering a manic episode, especially in someone who has bipolar disorder.)

Dr. Fink will need to weigh in on this herself. (She’s extremely busy right now.) However, there is no magic herbal brew that I’m aware of. Substances like omega-3 fatty acids may have some benefit for some people; vitamins, minerals, and herbs may be effective in reducing symptoms of bipolar, mania, or both in some people; but there are potentially serious risks in trying these alternative treatments.

The most important advice we provide in our book and on this blog is to consult your primary care physician or psychiatrist (whoever is in charge of managing your bipolar medications) before adding any herbs or other substances (including “all natural” ingredients) to your medication cocktail. Any additions could be dangerous.
Danielle on April 21st, 2008 5:56 pm

My 4 year old son was diagnosed with bipolar about six months ago…he is currently on seroquel and the doctor added lithium today. I am scared that my baby has to be on these medications at such a young age and I am wondering if there is anyone out there with children (or yourself) taht started these meds so young.
Thank you for any feedback.
Joe on April 22nd, 2008 11:15 pm

Hi, Danielle–

You may want to read Dr. Fink’s article “Bipolar Disorder Overdiagnosed in Children?.” Of course, I’m sure Dr. Fink would not want you to apply the general observations she makes in that article to your situation or the diagnosis of your child. These are general statements based on trends she has observed in her field. She fully understands what parents struggle with in such situations and is careful to avoid causing further anguish by making parents “doubt” the diagnosis. I refer to the article only because I think you may find the information useful.

If you haven’t gotten a second opinion on the diagnosis and the medications being prescribed, that may be a good idea. I know, these second opinions can be expensive, in time, energy spent, and money, but having a second opinion could place your mind more at ease about the diagnosis and what your son’s current doctor is prescribing.

I would be careful to question any “medical” advice that you might receive online that tries to guide you on your specific situation, even advice you might pull up on the Bipolar Blog. Discuss your concerns with your son’s doctor, and if you are still concerned, seek a second or even a third opinion.

I wish you and your son the best.
Susan on May 5th, 2008 12:28 am

Okay, my neighbor has no family left anymore, I have tried to help but I can’t be the nurse or doormat anymore. She has had all the drugs, rehab, pscychiatrists(many…all with a different drug) Where can these people go for help when there is no one to take care of them anymore?
Can My Bipolar Medications Be Increasing My Anxiety? on May 11th, 2008 7:38 pm

[...] you have a question about bipolar disorder, please post it on our Bipolar Blog Post a Question page. I cannot guarantee that I will answer every question, but your questions will help me [...]
Slicer BUSM '87 on May 16th, 2008 3:02 pm

Hi,

I would love to see a discussion of sleep regulation. I get <5 hours of disrupted sleep nightly. Ativan, klonopin, traz, Valproic acid, wellbutrin, buspar, effexor, Li and currently Tegretol have all been tried. What to do?

Also, does tolerance of the rash and puritus of Li ever develop? I itch at 0.72 mmol/L. An ineffective dose…

Good to see you in print.

Slicer BUSM ’87
Dr. Fink on May 16th, 2008 6:28 pm

Hi!

Good to hear from a fellow BUSM person.

In terms of sleep – have you considered a good sleep study just to make sure nothing else is going on? With such poor responses to so many meds – maybe a good profile of your sleep architecture could guide your next choices.

In terms of rash and pruritus – I don’t know how long you have been on the lith – i generally find that the itching may settle down but tends to persist to some degree. I am assuming the rash isn’t allergic or you would not still be on lith – so in terms of non-allergic skin reactions – again I think these can be somewhat persistent. But as you know everyone is different. I work with a lot of adolescents and when they experience acne as a side effect it can be tough to manage.

Good luck with your journey – I know it is often a frustrating one.

Candida Fink
Garett Brea on June 2nd, 2008 8:09 am

My name is Garett and I was diagnosed for Bipolar for 5 months now. First i was on depakote and then i told my doctor that i was still having major problems with my sleep. I was always up and about when knowing that is was 3 oclock in the morning. I told her about the lack of sleep and she immediatly took me off of it and switched me to Seroquel. Started off wih sample packets of 25mg. How much i was amazed that i could finally go to sleep. but it wasn’t a sleepy sleep if that makes any sense. It was like someone knocked my lights out. I had no complaints to tell my doctor becauce i was enjoying my sleep so much. But finally i went into major states of depression. Racing thoughts and unusual energy and the crashing. I am not at 800mg of seroquel a night and 150mg of lamictal right in there with it. I still get really nervous and irratable at the smallest things in which is having a major impact on my everyday life. my docor tells me what is good for me but the symptoms of my illness is still there. Causing more harm than good. Does anyone know what i can do to just tell my doctor…hey!!! this just isn’t working out?
Garett~ 22
Joe on June 3rd, 2008 1:11 pm

Hi, Garett–

I think you answered your own question – tell your doctor, “This just isn’t working.” Describe your symptoms. The trouble with some of these meds is that they take awhile to kick in, and then it may be awhile before you really feel better. But if you’ve spent two or three weeks on the meds and are still not feeling right, your doctor should be sensitive to this and make the necessary adjustments.

If your doctor does not respond to your needs, then you may need to find another doctor, but realize that it’ll take some time to develop a relationship with the new doctor and bring him or her up to speed on what’s going on and what you’ve already tried.

Finding the right “medication cocktail” that works for you can be a long process and require several adjustments, so adjust your expectations accordingly.
Joe on June 20th, 2008 2:09 pm

Jeffrey’s opinion that “Medications truly do more harm than good…” is just that – his opinion. Personally, I think Jeffrey is wrong. More over encouraging people with bipolar disorder to stop taking their meds could be dangerous for them and their families. If you do happen to buy and read Jeffrey’s book, please consult your doctor before following any of his advice – at least get a second opinion.
Susan on June 23rd, 2008 2:15 am

Hello, my name is Susan and I need some answers. I believe that my sister is Bipolar. She has all the symptoms. She is 36 and has two kids. I have tried talking with her about seeing a doctor but she seems to think she dosen’t need any help. I just worry about her, and I would love some advice on how to handle the situation without losing a sister. If anyone has any ideas that would be greatly appreciated! Thank you
Joe on June 24th, 2008 2:02 pm

Hi, Susan–

Great question. We chose to do a special post on this topic. Please see “Encouraging a Family Member to Get Help.”
Sara on July 2nd, 2008 5:09 am

I am trying to get back to work and find a better job. But what is “better?” I was doing what I thought I loved to do, I have spent 30,000 on my education,and have been working toward this particular career goal for 12 years. I have tried to get out of it as it seems that my major bi-polar episodes have coincided with work. But the more I get away from it the sadder and more detached from myself I feel. I am currently applying to a job back in my old field–am I doing the right thing? My husband is worried, he got to see things from the outside (and was terrified for me) and was relieved when I began searching for a job that would put me on a more even keel, for instance,I wouldn’t be bringing my work home. The current position I am interested in seems like it may be a compromise because it is more limited hours and it would be more of a collaborative effort with my co-workers. Advice anyone?
Joe on July 7th, 2008 3:30 pm

Hi, Sara–

This going back to work thing can be very challenging, but what you say in your second to last sentence about the new job being a compromise, offering more limited hours, and giving you an environment of collaboration seems to me that you’re taking the right approach. Your hubby has every right to be a little worried, but if your meds are effective, you keep taking them, and you carefully monitor the situation with your doctor and others, I don’t see why you can’t return to the work you invested so much of your life preparing for. We have some posts that may help ease the transition back to work under Career.

Just curious… are you going to tell the people at the new job that you have bipolar disorder? I know a lot of people struggle with this issue, and there’s really no right or wrong way to approach it. I’m just wondering what (if anything) you’ve decided.
Wendy on July 12th, 2008 4:53 am

My son is only 11 years old. He sees and hears things that arent there, he is either extremely high or extremely low (the lows being way more frequent and violent), and he gets mad so quickly but says he has no idea why he’s even mad “he just is!” Two of his cousins are bipolar and I’m afraid he may be also. He has been arrested for battery twice. They suggested to have him tested and gave me several referals. I called them all, and they all referred me somewhere. I talked to his doctor who gave me more referrals, and all those places did the same, etc…..I can find NO help because I dont make very much money and I dont get government help. We live in Reno, nv. Can you please tell me who will help me. I am so desperate and he needs help IMMEDIATELY!!!!!
Joe on July 12th, 2008 3:21 pm

Hi, Wendy

I would start through your son’s school. They may have some leads on where to go for low- or no-cost mental healthcare. Here are some other places you could try:

Carlos Brandenburg, Ph.D., Administrator
Mental Health & Developmental Services Division
Department of Human Resources
Kinkead Building, Room 602
505 East King Street
Carson City, NV 89701-3790
Phone: 775-684-5943
Fax: 775-684-5966
E-mail: mhds@govmail.state.nv.us
Internet: http://mhds.state.nv.us

Joe Tyler, President
NAMI Nevada
1170 Curti Drive
Reno, NV 89502
Phone: 775-329-3260
Toll-free: 877-324-2002 (Statewide)
E-mail: joetyler@sdi.net
Internet: http://www.nami-nevada.org

If your son does not have health insurance coverage, he may be able to obtain it through the Nevada Check Up program. For more information, visit http://www.nevadacheckup.state.nv.us/.

Hope this helps. And best wishes to you and your family.
Jen on July 15th, 2008 12:21 am

My mother has bipolar, and I am hoping to find studies that explain the hereditary risks of my children developing the disorder someday. Do you have a list of the studies that have been conducted so that I may research this topic? I would appreciate any information that you could forward my way. Thank you.
Dr. Fink on July 17th, 2008 5:13 pm

Hi Jen –

This question is a little trickier to answer than would be expected. The numbers aren’t easy to track down and the figures can vary from study to study.

We know that children who have a parent with bipolar disorder have a higher risk of developing the disorder than a child without an affected parent. If both parents have bipolar disorder the risk increases even more.

One study, done in 1997, put together data from 17 previous studies, and they determined that if a child had a parent with bipolar disorder they were 2.7 times more likely to develop bipolar disorder than if the parent did not have bipolar disorder. Children of people with bipolar disorder were 4 times more likely to develop some type of mood disorder, not necessarily bipolar disorder.

In your situation, it is even harder to say because the person with bipolar disorder is 2 generations away. The most important risks are in immediate, first degree relatives.

Bipolar disorder is also not completely genetically driven. In identical twins there is about an 80% chance that if one twin is diagnosed the other one will be as well. But since it is not 100% that argues that there are other factors involved. So predicting the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder is far more complex than just genetics.

I found some of the information at the NIMH website and some at the DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) website as well. Ultimately, the most important thing to do is to monitor your children’s development with awareness of some increased risk, and to seek help if you see patterns of behavior that cause concern.

Candida Fink MD
Joe on July 18th, 2008 1:52 pm

Hi, Jen–

Dr. Fink offers some additional information about the genetic link to bipolar disorder in Bipolar Disorder For Dummies. One thing she’s careful to mention in the book is that “predisposed” is not equivalent to “predetermined.” Having a genetic vulnerability to acquiring bipolar disorder does not mean you’re doomed to “getting it.” It only means that its more likely to develop.

This begs the question – Is there anything parents can do to help prevent the onset of bipolar disorder if they know their children may be more genetically vulnerable than the average kid? And this gets into some very sensitive territory. If my child gets bipolar disorder, am I somehow to blame for it? I think that’s why everyone kind of avoids the question – because blame and guilt are so counterproductive. I would like to see an honest, intelligent (and sensitive) discussion about this issue.

I personally think it’s very much like other health issues. For example, I think some people are more genetically vulnerable to developing lung cancer. They have a much better chance of dodging the cancer bullet if they don’t smoke and steer clear of people who do. In the same way, I think many people who have a hereditary link to bipolar can improve their chances of not developing it by limiting stress. Unfortunately, in life, stress is very difficult to avoid, and some people seem to be wired to react more intensely (emotionally) to certain conditions and events.

When bipolar entered my house, we were already undergoing some very stressful times. I feel as though the stress flung the doors wide open for bipolar to walk right through the front door.
Joe Kraynak on July 25th, 2008 7:37 am

Jen–

Dr. Fink is doing a two-part post called “Bipolar Disorder & Heredity – The Genetic Link” on our other blog, Bipolar Beat. It may help to answer your question.
Sandi Houle on July 28th, 2008 11:39 pm

Hey out there, i’ve been dealing with this since my Daughter was a child.
I’ts been tough, but i’ve been there for her every step of the way. She is now 36 yrs. old with an 8 year old daughter and a husband, the problem is she has had a complete hist. and now believes she is pregnant…This is creating havoc in her and all who love her’s lives! I don’t know how to help her, and it has torn us apart. She is deeply into a religous group who are egging her on about this baby that does not exist. She had an ultra sound that showed no baby, but insist’s that God told her little Samuel will apear on sept 27th… Any suggestions? She says God took her bi-polar away, so no med’s…Her Husband is livid, it’s not a pretty pic at home…This is the frist time i’m coming to the source, so any advive would be welcome. God Bless from a Momma of bi-polar
Joe on August 4th, 2008 2:04 pm

Hi, Sandi–

We did a post called “Encouraging a Family Member to Get Help,” which offers a couple suggestions on how to proceed. Unfortunately, unless you can prove to a judge that your daughter is a danger to herself or someone else, there’s probably not much you can do to force her to obtain professional treatment.

Sometimes, I think, all you can really do is continue to love and offer support – both to your daughter and to her husband and daughter. As a husband who’s “married to bipolar,” I can empathize with her husband being “livid,” but I can also say from experience that anger does little good and may even make matters worse. He may need you to explain to him what you know of bipolar disorder. Sometimes, understanding that your life partner can’t control what she’s thinking or how she’s behaving can help dispel some of the anger.

The people in this religious group also sound like they could use some education on bipolar disorder. Do you know anyone in the group? Maybe if you could identify one of its more rational members, you can convince the person that what they’re doing is not conducive to your daughter’s health and could even harm her.
Dr. Fink on August 8th, 2008 6:12 pm

To Momma of a Bipolar -

You and your daughter have certainly been through great pain due to her illness – and this current situation is extremely difficult. The behaviors and thoughts that you descibe could well be consistent with the psychotic thinking that can be associated with mania or depression. This is not a judgment of her worth as a person or her value – it is simply a medical symptom and one that needs care. Unfortunately as Joe said earlier unless she is an imminent danger to herself or others you cannot force any treatment.
I am sure that the church members feel strongly that they are doing the right thing for your daughter and their intentions are good – but the problem will become more convoluted when the baby does not appear. Mental illness and treatment for mental illness are certainly not mutually exclusive to religion and faith in God – but any belief system that turns a blind eye to science and rejects it without any consideration of its merits is dangerous. But it is hard to reason with people who have rejected reasonable argument.
I agree completely with Joe’s ideas – being present and supportive and trying to avoid anger and judgment with this situation that your daughter has little to no ability to control right now is really the most positive direction. People with bipolar, especially in an acutely psychotic period – literally can’t see their condition – they are not just avoiding it or willingly ignoring it. The illness itself prevents the brain from having insight into its own difficulties. This is often a very hard thing to accept and to live with but it is the reality of the brain in this condition.

Best to all of you -

Dr. Fink
Abigail on August 9th, 2008 8:21 pm

I was diagnosed with bipolar II 8 years ago…When I was diagnosed i drank and smoked pot…I eventually got sober five years after being diagnosed…after about two years the medication I had been taking for 6 years started to affect me in a negative way. (Topamax and Effexor) I was started to feel the effects of word finding and irritability…I decided to see a psychiatrist…the one i had retired so my primary care was distributing the meds.

The new psych started changing my meds until i got really depressed, suicidal. i also had gained thirty pounds. I finally found a psychiatrist that recently put me on lamictal. The depression almost immediately subsided, but I started to get horrible joint pain. I was still irritable as well. He took me off of it immediately.

This was four days ago. I have been feeling good. Very little irritability, mood switches and virtually no depression. I feel like if this lasts I won’t need any meds. I know that is classic bipolar, but I am off meds and feel good.

I am not sure what this means, I see the psych on Monday. But I would love to talk about it.
Joe on August 11th, 2008 3:06 pm

Hi, Abigail–

Glad to hear that you’re feeling better. Please return after you see your p-doc on Monday and post a follow up to let us know what’s going on. If you’d like, I can move your story to its own page in the Share Your Bipolar Story section, so you can post updates whenever you like and others can share their comments and insights with you.
EF on August 21st, 2008 7:56 pm

I am 41 yr old BP1, woman in the eastern US.
My father was extremely BP 1 and I have been aware of being ‘like him’ for better and worse, since childhood , when my BP kicked in. I was convinced for most of my teens that I was schizophrenic, but realized by my early 20s it was classic BP1.

I have only been on meds a few times, xanax, zoloft [bad!] and lithium, a normal beginning dose was way too much for me. I have never had anything but a passing emergency relationship with any pdoc ever, owing to the fact that, like most of the planet, I am uninsured and can’t afford to buy time at one. I have had my cycling intensify over the years and I was hoping that going on lithium daily in my late 30′s would help in any way but it proved a dense fog experience and produced worse mixed states and tremors.
I have often been criticized for not being on more meds, and also for having never been hospitalized, but I have had to literally bite the bullet [sometimes in half] and improvise my way through highs and lows and vivid nightmares since childhood because I don’t have the resources or the support to ‘try’ meds for months or even weeks. I can’t give up and expect any kind of life to be there when I come back.

In looking desperately online [same way I found this site btw] I found Lithium Orotate, and began taking it. I tried it for two reasons:
one; It was very inexpensive and living utterly hand to mouth, I simply can’t pay what actual psych drugs cost to remain on.
two; It requires no prescription or blood tests, and can be legally shipped right to me like a vitamin. It is not enough lithium to OD on all at once I guess, and it seems a whole bottle of 120 120mg tablets is less lithium than many people take daily.
A third reason I now can recommend: The dosage is very low and there is no fear that I will forget what I took, take one or two more, and OD in a day,

While I can’t say I am no longer BP, this substance did, and continues to, knock the edges off of it, and does give me some feeling of control. Is that in my mind? maybe, but I think that I respond to these tiny amounts, and thus far it is the only thing beyond basic food and vitamins that I can afford to be ‘on’.

I wonder what you and Dr. Fink know about this??? Do you have information on this or an opinion on it???
I know that several moderators have shot it down as snakeoil, and yeah, that Serenity seems shiesty as any health food scam.
I was taken aback at how many people really shot it down with no real info.
I think they dont want hardcore medicated BPs to fall for the lure of ‘natural cures’ or herbal cures, but it is real lithium in there, just less! and in a more bio-available form.
but I think if you read some of the other articles, it seems that it can;t really hurt, doesn’t mess with other meds, and actually, to some extent, works for SOME people. like me.

Please address this in the future if you can!!!

Thanks: EF
PS: Joe: Even beyond writing this book [which I will try to get] from simply reading this thread, I must say that you are a saint for responding calmly to anyone who is a fake dr., and anyone who has the cluelessness and/or gall to bring up religion in any discussion of BP or any psych arena really. This steams me into a black rage. But then, too, I have to realize that they are all trying to ‘help and enlighten’ others in their own way, using their own set of tools and languages, and maybe can’t even comprehend how insulting as well as pointless and useless their dogmatic views can be the many many people in this country and world who are [religion-wise] atheists, agnostics, NOT christian, or, like myself, happily omnivorous pagans!

geesh, the prickly hedges of ignorance and superstition and just darn language that we all have to hack through sometimes just to respond to people and point them toward information and help. It really is noble [holy?] , and at times absurd, work and I thank you for doing it.
Louis on August 24th, 2008 7:28 pm

Hi Ef,
I don’t know much about the form of lithium you are taking, but one of the main issues with taking lithium for bipolar disorder is monitoring blood levels. In addition to trying to optimize blood levels of the lithium for prevention of relapse of sypmtoms (optimal blood levels are generally around 0.6-1.1 mEq/L, with toxic symptoms appearing starting to appear with blood levels as little as 1.5 mEq/L), lithium can, at times, also affect the thyroid and kidney; you should periodically (every 6-12 months) have your doctor check the function of these organs.
Lithium can be a great medication when used properly in the right patient (though there are also many other treatments for bipolar disorder, many of which are generically available, that you can look into if the lithium is too sedating for you or causes too many other side effects); lithium can reduce the risk of relapse from about 90% per year to about 20% per year. But, like all medications, it can have side-effects, even when used in OTC forms. There is a great description of the history of lithium in the book “Blaming the Brain” by Elliot Valenstein. According to the book, the FDA issued a warning on Lithium-based salt substitutes in the late 1940′s. Just wanted to let you know and add some thoughts to the discussion.

Also, I think that the hosts of this website are doing a great job. Keep it up!
Joe on August 24th, 2008 4:43 pm

Hi, EF–

Thanks for writing. Dr. Fink saw your question and immediately e-mailed me letting me know that she plans on doing a post about lithium orotate sometime in the near future.

The psuedo doctors and people who seem to suggest that divine intervention is the solution get me pretty steamed, too. I try to be diplomatic. Sometimes Dr. Fink has to rein me in, but she can get pretty upset by some of the posts, as well.

Somebody recently posted something about Resveratrol, so maybe we’ll try to tackle that sometime, too.

Please check back every so often.
g. e. porter on August 29th, 2008 3:00 pm

dont have a comment, have a question. about 3 yrs ago my son married someone with bp, she fooled him completly and lied big time. my question is we finally found out she was bp, i have searched internet for help. i mention sending something to her, he was in panic, saying no no, she does not want anyone to know she has the problem, wants to keep it hid, she monopolizes him completely wants nothing to do with his family, i am concerned how this will affect him, since hes not allowed to have any outside friends, and can scarcely work because of her demands, when he is at work she continuously calls him on cell. if he did not work for himself he would have been fired long ago.she wants to stay isolated and keep him isolated. please please does anyone have any suggestions what for us to do or how to help thank you
Joe on August 29th, 2008 3:49 pm

Hi, g.e. porter–

As you’re well aware of, you and your son are in a tough spot. Dr. Fink did a post entitled “Encouraging a Family Member to Get Help,” in which she addresses a similar question.

I’m not a doctor or a certified therapist, but from my perspective, I think the ball is in your son’s court. I understand your concern, but getting between the two of them could push you even further outside. From my experience with NAMI’s Family-to-Family course, I would say that your son needs to set some limits – not to the extent of giving his wife an ultimatum (I personally think ultimatums are a bad idea), but letting her know that there are certain things he can and cannot live with.

Your son can also let his wife know in a loving, caring, firm way that he’s concerned. Coming from him, I think Dr. Fink’s suggestions in the post I refer to above could indeed help. I know from experiences with my wife that when she is cycling, sometimes she thinks she doesn’t need help. Through lack of “insight” into her own illness, she doesn’t realize that certain things really harm the people she loves, and she has no intention of hurting anyone. This is why it is so often difficult to gently encourage someone to get help.

I’m not sure what I’ve said helps you much in your situation, but I do feel that if anyone can encourage your daughter-in-law to seek help, it’s your son.
Alaina on September 5th, 2008 4:46 am

I am 19 female, I have a son thats 9months. I think I may be bi polar… I’m pretty sure of it. However I don’t have the money to see a doctor to make sure. What ever this is has caused me to get my husband fired, buy a new car that I can’t afford, sell off a lot of important things, I sleep maybe 5 hours a day, eat maybe a small meal every 2-3 days and burn every bridge I have. Something is wrong I just can’t pinpoint what it is. When I was little my whole family said that I was bipolar but my father said that he didnt want to put me on meds because he wouldn’t have his kid turn into a zombie. Now that what ever is wrong with me has caused me to practicly lose my whole life, I have to do something. Is there anything I can do since I can’t afford a doctor? PLEASE HELP ME!!
Sincerely unsure
Joe on September 6th, 2008 11:57 am
Hi, Alaina –

Check to see if your county has a health department (I believe that most do or can refer you to a neighboring county that does). As we explain in Bipolar Disorder For Dummies, a doctor will need to do a thorough diagnosis to rule out other possibilities, such as thyroid problems, that could cause similar symptoms.

In our book, we also point out other free or low-cost care options, including the following:
- Community mental health clinic
- University programs – check with any state universities in your area
- Religious organizations – if you belong to a church, contact your minister
- State medical assistance
- Look up the Social Security office in your area and see if they can do anything for you
- Your child may qualify for free or low-cost insurance, too – visit http://www.insurekidsnow.gov for details
If you have a local NAMI or DBSA group in your area, they can also offer you support and redirect you to state & local resources.

If you have a close friend or family member who can help you navigate these resources, enlist their assistance. Tracking down assistance and then jumping through hoops to get what you need can be very stressful in and of itself. If possible, it helps to have someone who can share the burden.

The good news is that you recognize that you’re not feeling right and need help. Hope this information helps you find the resources you need.

Best wishes to you and your family.
lia on September 21st, 2008 12:59 am

does anyone know about the “dental problems” side effect of lamictil?
Dr. Fink on September 26th, 2008 3:14 pm

Hi Lia -
According to the literature 0.1% or less of people taking lamictal experience either tooth or gum problems, so these would be extremely rare side effects. Clearly they are reported though, so it is certainly something to bring up with the doc.

Candida Fink MD
Sharon Kelly on October 28th, 2008 2:02 am

I have just started researching bipolar disorder because of my unfortunate relationship with someone who is diagnosed.
My daughter has been married to a man for four years now, who has been diagnosed. The family has been supportive of his “behaviour” until now.
I guess he is in a manic state in which he cheated on her, said he no longer was happy in their marriage, wanted to renew their vows and then moved out. The sad part is they have a baby and another one on the way.
As a mother of a pregnant daughter who is deeply hurt and in a fragile state, I need some advice on how to handle this.
I can see from many of your comments that she could be in for a life of misery, now that he wants to come back.
He is controlling, erratic, heartless, unsupportive, incredibly selfish, and overwhelmingly needy.
I now cringe at the idea of being in the same room as him. What can I do?
S.K.
Joe on October 28th, 2008 3:41 pm

Hi, Sharon –

So your son-in-law carries an official diagnosis of bipolar disorder? Assuming he does have bipolar disorder, the next question is whether he’s receiving treatment and whether that treatment is working. If you answer yes to both of those questions, then it sounds like the guy is too immature to be married and way too immature to be having children.

If, on the other hand, he’s not receiving treatment or the treatment he’s receiving isn’t working, I’d say you’d do best to withhold judgment until he receives effective treatment and his condition is stabilized. Then, your daughter and son-in-law can begin addressing any other issues that might be at work and begin healing the wounds left from his indiscretion(s) and errant behaviors. And then, perhaps, your entire family will be more ready to accept him into the fold.

Not sure you can do much as mom-in-law except support your daughter at this point. I think she needs to decide for herself what she’s willing to do to maintain the relationship and repair any damage to it. She needs to set her boundaries. I’m not big on delivering ultimatums, but it could come down to something like that.

Setting your own boundaries may also be necessary, especially given the fact that you “cringe at the idea of being in the same room as him.”

My wife didn’t have any affairs as a result of her bipolar, but I found her very difficult to live with at times. If we didn’t have kids, maybe I would have booked a seat on the next train out of town, I dunno. In my situation, however, I knew that my wife was capable of being what I would consider a good partner – loving, caring, supportive, and so on.

At first, I thought she had slowly turned into a b***** over the course of 15 years of marriage. (If she had transformed overnight, I would have been able to tell something was up, but it seemed to get worse and worse over time.)

When I saw how she responded to the meds, however, I realized that how she was behaving was not her personality, but the bipolar. When she’s manic, I can barely stand to be around her. When she’s well, she’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I know, it’s weird.
kat on November 8th, 2008 3:26 pm

does anybody know anything about invegra for bipolar
lisa on November 15th, 2008 9:07 pm

HELP!!! ok heres the deal, a friend of mine was put on lithium to manage her bipolar. on monday they adjusted her dose, she went to work after her appt and they sent her home for being to ” high” she comes back on tues and they fired her for drug abuse, claiming that since she wasnt acting ” normal” she had to be abusing drugs. the only thing that wasnt normal was the happy even way she was acting due to the lithium. i know this cant be legal, any idea where i can look for more info on this kinda thing? plkease feel free to email me if you do
Joe on November 17th, 2008 10:30 am

Hi, Lisa–

I don’t think an employer can fire someone based on a mere suspicion that the person is abusing drugs (regardless of whether the person has bipolar disorder).

As for any protection she might have under the Americans with Disabilities Act due to her bipolar, she probably would have had to have disclosed her condition to her employer to secure any protection.

Perhaps your friend or someone else on her behalf can contact the employer and explain the situation. If the employer won’t listen to reason, then consider filing something with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission).

Check out SAMHSA’s “Filing an ADA Employment Discrimination Charge:
Making It Work for You” and NAMI’s FAQ on the ADA called “The ADA – Americans with Disabilities Act.”

Of course, contacting an attorney who’s experienced in these matters is always an option. You can usually find an attorney through your local Bar Association.

Hope this helps.
leigh on November 30th, 2008 7:29 am

My boyfriend was recently diagnosed. I would appreciate any help/advice that anyone has to offer in dealing with a manic episode. I’ve tried to relieve all stress from our lives (but of course we still have some), but sometimes he just wakes up and totally freaks out. (Example, I came home from work the other day and he had destroyed the living room). He hurts himself, he yells, and the scariest is when he goes into these weird trance-like states, where he just rocks back and forth and hums. He also talks about suicide, alot. He tried it once, but I came home and caught him.
Please…any advice will help. I’m at the end of my rope. I don’t want to not be with him.
gail on January 27th, 2009 9:05 pm

test
gail on January 27th, 2009 9:27 pm

greetings, i type lower case because of finger weakness.
i’ve known my friend for a year. his last manic episode was four years ago. having given ten years of care to my mom who had mild dementia, i repeated what had worked with her: homecooked, healthy meals, walking, nature drives and outings, accompany to church, act as patient advocate, assist with cleaning and saving money. only playing musical instruments and lots of laughter worked permanently with him.

as unofficial patient advocate (VA hospital) 1. i was able to get the dosage of respiridon reduced by 1 mg which made quite a change in the side effects. (my relative is a pharmacist and advised me to try this.) 2.i caught the fact that he missed a six month exam for glaucoma. he rarely misses appointments or meds. however, he wants to go to his next appointment alone.

after one year i feel that my efforts to help him at least maintain a plateau of health are wasted. he spends more and more time in his bedroom ‘hootch’, a viet nam war word for hut. please clue me in.
Dr. Fink on January 30th, 2009 11:38 am

Hi Gail –
I can certainly understand your frustration with your friend’s seeming withdrawal and rejection of your efforts. There could be many explanations – onset of a depressive episode, progression of some cognitive decline (which is common in bipolar), other psychiatric issues – as a vet perhaps he could be at risk for PTSD – or it could part of the complicated stew of denial, avoidance, approach, etc that comes with bipolar disorder.
the VA may have outreach workers available to come out to his home – this might be something to look into.
gail on January 30th, 2009 1:57 pm

Dr. Fink, thank you kindly for the prompt reply. i thought you might say i was trying to control him.
alexandra on February 10th, 2009 7:38 pm

Hi, I was wondering if you can elaborate under which conditions the doctor will initiate involuntary inpatient treatment. It is my understanding that the baker act will only force an involuntary evaluation. But can you as an individual petition the court for an order for involutary inpatient treatment?
gail on February 25th, 2009 2:24 pm

my bipolar friend is coming out of hibernation as he predicted. increasing sunlight is allowed in through his bedroom blinds. he responds to posters that i put up about his hobbies. a few times he was a bit over the top; his eldest daughter mentioned a possible trigger point. so far we are back on the plateau of last spring 2008. i’m turning to my own hobbies to fertilize myself for a change.
Joe on April 27th, 2009 7:17 am

Hi, Flop Doc–

We try as much as possible to maintain an open forum. While I agree with you that Jeff shouldn’t be calling himself an “MD” when he has no medical license, I disagree that we should remove “Dr.” or “MD” from his title here, because that would make rebuttals to his comments (including yours and mine) meaningless.

I also believe it does our readers a greater service to leave Jeff’s posts up here and allow Dr. Fink, me, and readers like you to post caveats about people like this who pose as doctors or offer dubious or even dangerous advice.

Having said that, I will also say that we ultimately had to block Jeff’s posts, because he was essentially spamming our blog by posting soft ads for his books on every page. This is why your comment was held for moderation.
Sajdah on August 3rd, 2009 11:05 am

Um my mom has bi-polar disorder and ive recently found out what that means from my aunty who is a psychiatrist.Im 15 and so throughout my life my mom has never slept since she had my baby brother who is now ten,and she always had a stomach problem and a back problem which she calls a disk or disc(i dunno what it is but im googling right now).One day when i was 14 we were packing our clothes on our way to holland and laughing hestirically and she bend down to close the suitcase when she just stopped midair and collapsed screaming.She usually did that when sh e had a back ache and i probably would help her up and put her on the bed.But this time she couldnt breathe.she had her throats around her throat and was turning really blue.I shouted for my dad and he held her so she could calm down and start breathing through her nose.Since were muslim he kept reading verses from the quran and messaging her throat and he asked me to get water.Then she threw up in the glass and it scared me alot when i found blood.It scared my mom to since she started shaking and exclaiming:abudllah(my dad)look- my dad threw me and my brother out the room.adn we spent the whoel day praying.I wanted to call the ambulance but my dad looked like he knows what hes doing,like hes done this before.After an hour or so my dad came out carrying mom and pulled her to bed and she was breathing again.I slept with my mom and thanked gawd and my dad the whole day.My mom told me that she has something called bowel syndrome and that this happened before when she was pregnant with me.I understood then why my dad would always have fights with her when she would want to go out in the morning after being sick the whole day.And i never understood why she would anyways,but she’d keep saying:its much better if im out than sick in bed.so shes ready to go out nd i start shouting at her for the first time,because i felt it was insane that she was going out when she was barely breathing just last night,the first for me.She shouted back and said hurtfull things to me so i left her be .when she came back she was cheerfull and happy and acted as if nothing happened,i didnt notice till then that that was something constant action,that she’d change her mood in 1 minute 20 times.but like i said i didnt know what bi polar is or rather there was a disorder that existed.Anyways i go to holland my aunt tells me about bi polar but i tell her that no she doesnt have bi polar she has ibs.Then she tells me that sometimes people with bi polar disorder think something in there head which is not true.(which my mom has alot.since she would shout at me saying i said or did something which i hadnt at all,and she even seems like she still belives it when she finds out it isnt true).So i check ibs and bi polar,and im sorry for this really long question but are they by any chance linked?Maybe my mom can be hallucinating the pain?thanks and please answer.if theres more i need to know let me know
Teresa on August 9th, 2009 1:16 am

I am 51 have been diagnosed “menopause” since April 2008 on Lithium Carbonate for Bipolar condition mild.

I started taking Black Cohosh last few days by advice for mood swings, increased anger, stress have so far a lot less.

Question is Can I use this combination Black Cohosh mixed with Lithium Cabonate’s ongoing without serious side effects?

I have no other medical conditions have had healthy physical lately. I only take 1 capsule per day 80mg
lisa anthony on August 17th, 2009 6:53 pm

Joe, Most of what you say I agree with. Please check the Americans with Disabilities Act policy on divulging your disability. I was told by NAMI that noone can require you to state your exact disability, but of course proof is a must. Thank you, lisa 35yrs diag.bp I am on disability but have quit teaching or working
Tracey on September 1st, 2009 11:01 pm

Hi. I was diagnosed bipolar in 2001. Taken on a journey, been through many meds, had a hospital stay and feel pretty stable now. However, I still have some questions about being bipolar. People who know me well say that at times I tend to “shut down”…”glaze over”. They say it is like I am not there. I know what they are talking about cause I feel myself disappear. It is usually when I am tired. Does this always happen? Will it ever get better? I also find that even though I feel pretty stable, it is a constant job to keep myself there. Should it really be that hard? Some members of my family see me well and think …oh, finally it is over. We can move on, she’s better but I don’t think they get it. I don’t feel like it is really ever over. It is something I will always have to work with. For example, taking my naps, leaving gathings when overwhelmed so that I don’t get revved etc. You know. I guess I just wanted to ask if I am still on the mend or if this is what it is like to be bipolar?
PS. I am on meds Epival 875mg/2Xday Topomax 75mg
Stacey on October 30th, 2009 10:32 pm

I want to quit taking my pills. I feel that I’ve been on them for so long and nothing is getting better. I can’t handle the bad days anymore. I feel that the pills have taken all my strength away, I have no power to fight back at the icky black goo that is inside of me. I need to get my own mind back. Maybe then I can piece things back together and find out what went wrong. I need my own mind, the pill mind doesn’t work right, I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m weak, ugly & old, shriveled & tired a scared little freak hiding in her house waiting for the next explosion.
Lori B on January 23rd, 2010 4:11 am

I have a question, I was diagnosed BP1 in July, I am struggling with the severe manic episodes involving self damage, screaming, it is pretty bad, the police were here last night, but thanks to God, they did not take me. My boyfriend is loving and supportive and a good person is taking care of me when I come down. But the physically intimate part of our relationship is gone. He always has an excuse. This only makes me feel more and more lonely and diplaced. He does refuses to make the connection of normalcy for me. To me it proves he cannot handlw BP. Anyone else have this problem, can you over come it and how??? Thanks for your thoughts!
Joe on January 24th, 2010 6:06 am

Hi, Lori–

I think loved ones sometimes feel hurt and overwhelmed and put up a defense shield or withdraw emotionally. Often, as my wife would get more turned on during a manic episode, I would get more turned off by her sexual aggressiveness. I mean, at first, it was great, but after awhile it would get to be too much.

Of course, I don’t know what your situation is, exactly. I’m just speaking from my own experience.

As your boyfriend learns more about bipolar and you team up to establish and maintain mood stability, I believe you will both get more comfortable riding the waves and dealing with crises.

Not sure how much time you spend together, but if you’re spending all your time together, that can get a bit overwhelming, too. You and your boyfriend both need support outside your relationship.
cyndi on January 30th, 2010 8:35 pm

Okay, here goes. A strange thought accompanies me from time to time in my bipolar walk. What if I really am psychic? I have read many blogs and articles that state there is some sort of connection to psychic energy from a bipolar, manic mind. This may be more a highly-sensitive phenomenon as I am not sure how to distinguish mania driven imagery from highly-sensitive tendencies to “read” people and their thoughts. I could swear I know what people are thinking much of the time. Or, is this something all of us (bipolar or not) think we’re capable of? Does it have universal application? It’s a weird kind of thing to consider because so much of the literature on mania fueled energy involves references to our “knowing” what others think but in actuality it is a manifestation to “think” we know, when we couldn’t possibly.

Please shed some light on this un-nerving phenomenon.
Dr. Fink on April 6th, 2010 10:37 am

Hi Cyndi –

The question of being psychic is an interesting one and something that comes up from time to time with my patients. Certain types of thinking are actually delusions due to a manic or depressed state, and a person who feels that they can truly read other people’s minds is probably suffering from at least some delusional symptoms.

That being said, many people with bipolar disorder are exquisitely sensitive to others – they pick up very quickly on emotional stimuli from other people. This is not a delusion, but rather a part of the emotionally tender quality of the bipolar brain. However, this kind of sensitivity is tricky – it can over-read some emotions and sometimes attribute meaning or thoughts to perceived emotions in others that may be inaccurate.

Emotional sensitivity is a gift in many ways, but it needs to be carefully monitored as it can also intrude on and distort thinking in ways that may not be helpful.

We would like to know what you think. If you have bipolar, do you feel you’re more intuitive than the average person? If you feel comfortable doing so, please share any specific experiences you’ve had.
David K on April 24th, 2010 2:05 pm

Hi my name is David from texas and I’m 16 years old. I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder almost 2 years ago. I was diagnosed with dyslexia, discrafia, ADHD,and ADD many years ago. When I was young I had a speech disorder and today I have trouble articulating during social conversations. I probably have some sort of undiagnosed articulation disorder. I take many medications and I was in theraphy.

I find it so odd that I have all of these learning disabilities. On my dads side of the family everybody has a mental disorder or learning disability. With the exception of my father who has his own law practice.

My question is… Is it normal for people who have Bipolar disorder to have many learning disabilities? Or did I just have crappy gene shuffling? Sometimes I think I’m actually not bipolar or have any of these learning differences at all… Is there some special mental disorder that displays all of these symptoms?
karen on May 15th, 2010 11:37 am

I have a friend who I am very concerned about and need direction as to how I can help her. We have been friends for 30 years now. She had been on Prozac and stopped taking it 3 months ago. She told me it was for depression, but I see WAY more than depression going on.

One day she will call me in complete tears, just crying and repeating herself (not always making complete sense or taking something small and blowing it way out of proportion).

The next day (or even hour) she will call talking non-stop; you can not get a word in edge-wise. She doesn’t listen, she just talks, talks, talks!

Lately, the past 3 months, she has called and left me voice mails or sent emails or text that are out of left field. Accusing me of not being her friend, calling me a bitch (which in 30 years she has never spoken a harsh word to me). This is happening constantly. I don’t know how to help her,or what to even say any longer. She is attacking me for no reason, for now I have chose to remain silent. I feel like i am turning my back on her but she doesn’t hear me anyway.

Her family is beside themselves. Her husband of 23 years is ready to take the kids and walk. He said she wont go to a Dr. and she is getting worse by the day. She is self medicating with drinking alcohol and it is making things that much worse. From what i understand she is treating her closest friends like we are the enemy. What can you do to help someone like this? I love her dearly and miss my friend.
Joe Kraynak on May 15th, 2010 12:07 pm

Hi, Karen–

This is an excellent question about a dilemma that many loved ones find themselves in. Our usual answer is that “you can’t do much unless the person is posing a physical danger to herself or others.” But that’s not a solution.

Your friend’s husband needs to realize that what’s going on is probably an illness and not just some inexplicable personality change. It may or may not be bipolar disorder. Hormone imbalances, thyroid malfunction, and a host of other possibilities exist. He may need to get the kids out of harm’s way, but he needs to stick around and help her.

Is there any way you, your friend’s husband, and perhaps other friends and family members can get together and speak with her as a group? Keep it low-key and non-confrontational… express your love and concern, your observations, and your desire to get her help. No threats or ultimatums. Encourage her to see her doctor for a complete checkup. Her doctor may be able to take it from there. Doctors are better able than you in calling for a forced hospitalization if that is necessary.

Dr. Fink and I will be working on a post to address this dilemma more formally. Until then, keep being a good friend and don’t give up on trying to help. When your friend is well, she will probably appreciate your determination even if she gets furious about it now. Very likely, she can’t see that anything is wrong with her. She will be able to see only when she is well.
kelly on May 25th, 2010 8:48 pm

My girlfriend has bipolar disorder and will get get mad at me for the smallest things. I don’t know how to react to her. Her reactions seem very immature and overblown. She seems to think that everything i do is to hurt her. ITs like what normal people would think a problem is a 3 she sees it as an 11. i don’t know how to talk to her when she gets in these moods. its like nothing i say will make it better. I try to be the adult about it and she tells me not to try to fix everything. But if i fight back to tell my side she just shuts down and doesn’t try to talk it through. I know in her mind she thinks that she is right so whats the best way to handle those situations?
Patrick on June 25th, 2010 2:08 pm

Hi everyone. I am a 25/M with Bipolar I and have been on medication since I was 15. I have been in the hospital 4 times (once for detox). Last summer, I had my first full blown manic episode with voices and excessive spending (declared bankruptcy). I never want to have that happen again, which is why the doctor took me off of Effexor and Wellbutrin. However, now I am only on mood stabilizers (Tegretol, Lithium and Abilify) and I am so depressed I can’t function. My question is should I start just one antidepressant to get me out of this depressed state, so I can work again, even though it runs the risk of throwing me into another manic state? Thanks.
Candida Fink MD on July 8th, 2010 11:52 am

Hi Patrick – this very situation is one of the most difficult ones in the medical treatment of bipolar disorder. Depression is actually the more frequent mood cycle and causes terrible problems in people’s lives – but it is unclear how best to use the antidepressants in treatment of bipolar depression. This is something you must discuss in detail with your doctor – ask lots of questoins – seek a seond opinion if you feel unclear on what your doctor is suggesting and why.
Best of luck to you!
melissa on September 11th, 2010 8:07 pm

Hi Everyone,
I am looking for some unbiased advice. I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago after traveling the world and just realizing that there is so much more to life that I want to accomplish and I just needed to be single and live life for my self. After we broke up he lost his job and things started in a downward spiral and ended up sending him to a manic episode. I got a call on Tuesday night from a bar in our town asking me to come and pick him up because he thought he was Christ and was putting himself in danger. Up until Tuesday no one could get him to the hospital or talk him into taking meds until I asked him. He keeps saying that he’ll do anything I want him to or ask him to. I am glad that I can be there to help him get the help he needs and though I’ve made it clear that I am just his friend I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea or impression of my compassion towards him. He is very very angry with his family and everyone else in his life and since he is a stubborn person to begin with he will do exactly the opposite of what they want him to do, which is where I come in handy. If his doctors or parents need him to do something and they ask me to ask him he does it with no problems. But if they ask him he will purposefully not do it and do the opposite. What should I do. I know my purpose in life is to help people because I am very compassionate but is what I am doing wrong?
Anonymous on December 14th, 2010 11:22 pm

In one of your articles you suggest keeping a mood diary. I have been keeping one for a month and a half now. It is so helpful that I wish I had been keeping one way sooner than this. I went to a psychiatrist three weeks ago due to some mood swings (I am already being treated for clinical depression). The pdoc asked me certain questions that I wasn’t able to answer with complete certainty because I just couldn’t remember. That wouldn’t have happened if I had had a mood chart. It was very frustrating and I am concerned about the affect insuffcient info may have had on the diagnosis (bipolar NOS). Up until this point my diagnosis has always been depression (of the atypical type). I had my first depressive episode at age 16 and they have recurred throughout my life (I’m 59). I never paid much attention to my “up times” because I figured I was only recovering from my depression. If I had a mood chart I could have given the pdoc better info in terms of duration of episodes and exact symptomology. Now I feel like I’m neither here nor there (unipolar vs. bipolar). My memory is not the best due to my recurrent depression, so trying to remember details from years ago is not possible. With a couple of exceptions, I am pretty much limited to memories from the past five or so years. Because I was always diagnosed with unipolar depression, I never even thought to pay particular attention to my occasional good moods. That being said, I do remember a few times in the past couple of years when I felt so happy that (at least to me) it seemed unusual, almost “too happy”. I felt more energetic and was able to do more of the things I couldn’t do when I was depressed, but I never felt like I didn’t need any sleep or that I took on excessive amounts of projects. It is not unusual for me to start things that I don’t finish but unipolar depression could account for that. I can’t remember any episodes of overspending, reckless or promiscuous behavior, but do remember acting more flirty and thinking I was more attractive and confident than usual. I talked more and definitely faster but not so much that people remarked on it. Unfortunately, I can’t remember the exact duration of these episodes, but it seems as though they only lasted a day or so at most. I do remember a period of above normal anger and irritability that lasted what seemed like months a few years ago. I assumed it was part of perimenopause, but who knows. I have taken several types of antidepressants over the years. The tricyclics never worked and the SSRIs worked at first but didn’t seem to do the full job in the long run. I’ve been taking 400mg of buproprion for the past couple of years along with weekly psychotherapy. Some of those “really happy” times definitely occurred during this period but may have happened earlier as well. One explanation could have been that since I was no longer feeling depressed and suicidal, the contrast made the happy times seem extreme. In the past I’ve also suffered from SAD, so when I started feeling bad again this fall it didn’t surprise me. The unusual thing was the variable nature of my moods. There have been very stressful events happening in my life these past few months and my sleep has been very irregular. I had a day here and there with an up mood, but there were also times of agitation, crying and incessant disturbing thoughts. That is when my therapist suggested I be screened for possible bipolar. I also want to mention a couple things with regard to family. I found out recently that my son (33) was diagnosed with bipolar II and OCD within the past year and a half. He had behavioral problems as a child but they said it was ADD. Ritalin made things worse so it might have been unrecognized bipolar instead. My mother died when I was 4 1/2. I don’t remember much about her but I’ve heard her described as “moody”. The pdoc has now put me on Lamictal in addition to my buproprion. If that (or some other mood stabilizer) works would it tip the balance in favor of bipolar instead of unipolar or do I need to wait for more symptoms to appear?
Hope on March 24th, 2011 10:30 am

My daughter was diagnosed bipolar at age 15, she is now 18. We initially sought out help when she was in 2nd grade as we were having multiple issues, mainly seemingly OCD related. She was first diagnosed with this at that time. She was not medicated and she saw a therapist and seemed to improve somewhat. When she went through puberty that changed and her OCD symptoms returned with a vengeance we then went to a psychiatrist who put her on zoloft. She does have an uncle who was diagnosed manic-depressive (back when that was the term used). Her Dr. Did warn us to be watchful of any manic type symptoms. About 3 weeks in to treatment things got weird. She behaved impulsively, had seizure type episodes, which may or may not have been real, and over all behaved in ways not at all typical. We of course went back and she was dosed down on the zoloft and we added lamictal and ability eventually cutting out the zoloft completely. After a few months she improved dramatically. She wanted to take the least amount of medication as possible and eventually got down to 50 mg of lamictal and no ability. She did great for a year. On a trip a year ago she forgot to take her lamictal for a few days and returned with panic attacks and raging OCD. Her OCD mainly shows as hypochondria. Got her back on meds but had to go up dramatically, she now takes 400 mg of lamictal and 7 1/2 of ability, but is once again doing beautifully. Now for the question, she does not like to thinks that she is truly bipolar, but my thinking is if the bipolar meds make her better then it must be. Would that be the case? And how common is it for bipolar to present with OCD symptoms as well?
stephanie on June 30th, 2011 3:18 pm

hi my name is stephanie im 21 and i just got diognosed with bipolar. some people tell me its not a big deal and some peolpe act like i have a contagouis sickness…i hate it. im starting the med geodon tonight and im kinda scared. id like to hear acuaul people who use it to tell me what they thought of it. and i wanna know is this going to change me as a person? besides my manic and depressive moments i dont wanna loose my personality.
love, new bipolar blogger

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