Comments on: Considering Relationship Dynamics

By: Silvaria

Silvaria — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 05:52:12 +0000

Well, I’ll add my story here.

My bipolar ex-fiance’ and I met online, and had an immediate and intense chemistry. It was like nothing I’d ever experienced. I still have his emails…he is very intelligent and eloquent, and they left me almost breathless. Then he told me he was bipolar. I had no understanding of this until the first time he flew into a rage over a joke I made on the phone, 2 months into our relationship. He broke up with me very angrily, saying vile and horrible things that I will never forget.

Within a few weeks he had hooked up with someone else online…within a few weeks of that, he was back telling me how much he loved me, but he just couldn’t leave her. I was still madly in love with him, so I played “the other woman” for over 2 months.

Then she dumped him, and he wanted me back. I agreed. That was in July of 2009. We met in person in October of 2009, and it was absolutely heavenly. Our online chemistry translated completely into real life, and it was 5 days I will truly never forget. He asked me to marry him, and I happily said yes.

Fast forward 8 months…we’ve had some problems along the way, but I am constantly reassured that he loves me, that I am the light of his life, I give him a reason to get up in the morning, and that no matter what, we will be married someday and start a family.

Sunday, June 13, 2010…we talked and hung out online as usual. We discussed our next meeting, which we were planning for the end of July. He said that holding me in his arms had been “perfect”, and he could hardly wait to do it again.

Sunday night, I said something that annoyed him. Monday, he broke up with me, saying he wanted to be single to flirt with other women.

To say I am devastated is an understatement. I have endured massive mood swings, verbal abuse, him saying such bizarre things that they defied imagination…and my reward is that I am now cut out of his life because…he wants to flirt with strangers?

I have been told repeatedly that we were soul mates, that it would take a nuclear fallout for us to quit speaking, and yet…here I am. Lonely and miserable and wondering what the hell happened.

I was having a hard time trusting him after the first time he dumped me for no good reason…as much as I still love him, I am beginning to recognize that I really couldn’t -ever- trust him after this. He keeps telling me that he won’t come back this time…which I’ve heard before. Sadly, for the first time, I don’t really think I want him to…yet, I’m sure he will. Two days ago he said, “This is our last contact, ever”…the very next day, he was writing me. I’m scared that when/if he does come back, I won’t have the willpower to turn him down, because I do love him so damn much.

And for those who say we’re blaming all this on BPD…damn straight. This is a man who is normally WONDERFUL…kind, loving, and caring. But when he goes manic, which he is right now, he becomes a complete stranger, and a complete jerk, as well.

Some say I have dodged a bullet, because at least I’m not married to him. I keep telling myself that, but it doesn’t seem to lessen the pain of what I have lost.

By: Chris Heflin

Chris Heflin — Tue, 11 May 2010 00:40:31 +0000

It Has been the hardest most hurtful thing in my life to deal with her. At the top of everything her affairs, hitting me , breaking every part of my life mentally, physically and emotionally. She still blamed me tokk off with my daughters to her bipolar mom I cant see them nor even talk to them. My responce was to fight but went noware. Every day I cry missing my children even though they have been gone 5 years. Now if I get them back I am afraid I dont even know them. The worst in life I am 38 so afraid to date to screw up another 15 years of my life with another woman what if she is messed up? I dont want the affairs the hitting the isolation the pain the loss. Yet its so hard to be alone. My family at the start made thing special for me yet they have pulled back I am so alone.
Spiritually I screwed up and had a few relationships the first chick was just about sex and give her some money then she would be gone untill she needed more money. The second is guess what bipolar. With a screwed up family.
I just want a sweet woman to enjoy life with. Yet am I able to trust and have a normal relationship after all the crap?

By: mslee

mslee — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:49:33 +0000

I just need to get this out. I fell in love with a man who is loving but at the same time I have to wonder. He would ask me a question and then when he didn’t agree with my reply he then turned it around to make it look like I was the bad person. When I attempted to defend myself OMG the things he would say were so very mean and just nasty and he was just being cruel I thought who is this person. He is overly jealous, cannot prioritize the things in his life that are most important, he is easily disstracted unable to concentrate, and has memory losses and sometimes he just blanks out into space for a period then he comes back. Once he speaks he always knows everthing and there is no getting thru to him and then everything explodes…Im a good woman and yes he is nice but something is just not right with him…We had a conversation the last week and I asked him a simple general question asking him to explain something he had said earlier that day about one of the guys he works with. He couldnt answer my question and turned everything on me..I then said its time for me to go…While putting on my coat right in front of the door..The was open however he literally pushed me out the door. I thought I can’t do this anymore Im out. He hasnt spoken to me or anything since the incident. Better safe than sorry. Does this person sound like he has a mental problem

By: lee

lee — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:44:00 +0000

I would like to point out because that makes me seem so negative about her…

she truely is a wonderful person and i love her with everypart of my soul, she really struggles herself and i do understand i just cant help but get confused and angry sometimes… when we were a couple she had cheated on me twice so i guess im still am alittle sad about that….

one thing i would like to say however that if you truely love someone though you may get angry upset
youy love them all the same and try to go on.. it is worth it for love

By: lee

lee — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:33:49 +0000

I must admit reading that was like a seeing my own thoughts infront of me.. i must admit that i really do struggle in the same way i try my hardest to remain calm and try not to get angry because it seems that i get blasted with my partners negativity whilst her friends get the nice part. you see my partner(flatmate) are in a situation i struggle with she says she loves me but but never admits to anyone that we are in a couple type situation, i fill the role at her discretion but if i have a promblem with her then she throw “we arnt a couple” at me. however the irony is she she will get get very possesive and acuses me of cheating.. shes currently unemployed and i work hard to suport us,i do the majority of the cooking, cleaning do the bills tidy up the flat.. sometimes i really struggle and find it hard not to loose my temper when she begins to point out every little fault of mine from my vocabulary to my hair….

im sorry about that little rant but iv never actually expressed my discontent before… its refreshing to be able to see that you dont have to be a saint to help and be supportive…

if anyone else has some further advise for me that would be amazeing seems i really do struggle