Comments on: Should I Go or Should I Stay?

By: Mary

Mary — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:56:50 +0000

I’ve just read this site from Jan. 08 to Aug. 09. Your stories are so sad and familiar. My husband of 28 years is bipolar and last week I told him I will not put up with his abuse any more. My advice to those of you who are not yet married to your bipolar partners is that you do not marry them and move on. Because of the disorder, they will not be able to give you what you desire in a union and you will be mentally and physically drained and quite possibly financially ruined. I was especially touched by Melissa’s comments. I know no one chose to have this disorder, and I’m sorry that anyone does. http://www.NAMI.org is a great support. Blessings to you.

By: lisa anthony

lisa anthony — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:31:26 +0000

gosh, there were so many responses to your mail that I can’t remember the title of you letter. anyway, I hope your wife saw the nice things you said about her cause any woman would want to see that. also, marriage is difficult no matter what disorders are involved! hang in there and glad you have hung in there. it speaks volumes to you kids and they are benefitting from you marriage. lisa

By: Karen

Karen — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 06:53:11 +0000

My husband of 21 years is bipolar but is off his medication and refuses to believe there is anything wrong with him. 8 years ago we joined a club and it has become his life. He plays tennis, volley ball, runs an hour on the treadmill, does weights and looks great for a 54 year old man. 6 years ago he discovered women, had a long sexual and emotional affair and then cut her off with no closure. I found out about it and tried to move on, I joined the gym, lost 50 lbs and look great. He believes he is God’s gift to women, and actively pursues them. After the gym, he hits the bar every night, he has dumped his family and I put up with it for six years. In the last year, we went out together on events: anniversary, valentines, mother day but the rest of the time he was with his friends drinking and frolicking with women. Our daughter is failing in school and has emotional problems. Our son says he is a dhead. When I say something, he gets mad and cuts me off. 6 weeks ago I caught him laughing and frolicking with two gorgeous Russian women in the pool – they were working girls. He was arguing over the price and said to his friends Like it or Leave It. I overhead everything. His friends couldn’t make eye contact with me. That night I sent him a message saying Like It Or Leave It – thanks I leave it – since then he refuses to speak to me. I love him dearly but his bipolar is driving me crazy. I have enough, yet I still want him back, I want the man I married back. Right now he hates me – he told his brother I am talking to everyone at the club and ruining his reputation when I haven’t spoken to anyone. He hates me. HELP

By: Bill

Bill — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 04:44:47 +0000

She hasn’t got bi polar that bad, that’s what we tell ourselves.
Some days I think she doesn’t love me; surely a loving person wouldn’t be so abusive. Yet I love her and would never want to betray her which is why it is hard cause I can’t talk to anyone, I just have to bottle up all my hurts until it feels like it’s killing from the inside.
I’m in a relationship with a bi polar woman. I’ve known her for 14 years but started the relationship about two years ago. So we’ve a long term friendship which is one of the things that keeps us together. It has been a bit of a roller coaster ride but mostly good. I love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone. But I feel like I get drawn in and when everything is going well she then does or says something hurtful. I feel that each time my love gets to new heights it is cut down again.
Being from a small Australian town I smile and say hi to anyone who says hi to me. She is from the city and considers it strange. The other day in the supermarket some woman said hi to me and I said hi back. About 5 minutes later my partner threw a toilet roll at me and stormed off making a big scene. I was sad and hurt. She sort of said she was sorry but then went on and on about how small town people don’t behave properly. She asked how I felt, if I was hurt or needed to talk. But as I started it went back to small town people not acting in a proper way. She then left the room. I walked out to follow her and she had shut the bathroom door and had started a shower. I felt enraged and disrespected as if I was a dumb country hick and then I punched a filing cabinet and stormed off myself. I spent the rest of the day just wandering around aimlessly feeling hurt and ashamed of what I had done.
She was leaving for a week interstate so we made up, I did want her to leave upset. While making up she voiced all her hurts about the damage of filing cabinet and being afraid of me. I remained silent.
The following day I wondered if I should break up, but I don’t want to. I wondered if we could go back to being close friends. I think this way when things have been bad and we separate for a few days. Until I get a text or phone call that reassures me of her love.
So is it wrong to say hi to people in the street?

By: bpandstable

bpandstable — Sun, 10 May 2009 23:50:11 +0000

I was diagnosed with bipolar in February of this year, and it took 3 months of meds to finally stabilize me. I am on zoloft and lamictal and they have kept me happy and stable for the last month. My husband of 3 years and I were so happy and relieved that there was an explanation for all of my behaviors over the course of our relationship and marriage. Apparently I was not a rapid cycler and my manias/depressions were getting much worse during my college years when I met him. I know he is totally wrong for me in that we have absolutely nothing in common and has been somewhat unsupportive, as he’s 90 percent grad school focused and I get the left over 10 percent. He’s also disrespectful and corrects everything I say, and has always been that way, but I suppose I overlooked it or didn’t care b/c I was either manic or depressed. Needless to say, I believe I chose to start dating him and decided to marry him when I was mentally ill. He is stable, and I felt I needed that at the time. Is anyone else out there experiencing the same situation? It is really frustrating to know that I would have probably chosen a totally different spouse if I had been well. My parents always asked me what I saw him, and I could only say he loves me, and he’s smart. I am so happy to be stable now, but unfortunately, nos that I have a clear head, I am down about my marriage. I have tried explaining this to him in a sweet way…trying to ask him what we could do together and explain the hurt I feel he always corrects me, but he says that the way he is, and he doesn’t want to talk about it. We are going in together to talk w/ my tdoc and hopefully she can shed some light on the situation. Thanks for listening and looking forward to your advice/replies.