Comments on: Growing Up with a Parent with Mental Illness http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html Information and support Thu, 29 Jul 2010 13:57:24 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Steve Burstein http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html/comment-page-1#comment-1972 Steve Burstein Wed, 19 May 2010 20:42:25 +0000 http://finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html#comment-1972 I've recently been sorting out memories of a frustrating childhood-frustrating because, for one thing, I had Inflexible-Explosive disorder. I hated that I threw temper tantrums,and I wanted to stop, but couldn't.I couldn't stand that I humiliated myself like that, especially since I was always wishing I could be some sort of fantasy "Hero".And since this was the early 70s, nobody could tell me why I couldn't help throw fits.For another, I was basically a good kid, but my Father was always taking TV away from me-sometimes for a month-for blowing up at him(often after He'd yelled at me)and thus "Not respecting" Him.These punishments taught me nothing.I couldn't help blowing up.Now, I learned later that my Father was (is) Bipolar.I wonder how much His behavior had to do with my very low self-esteem and my constant desire to have some kind of fantasy life akin to an old Hollywood movie.Especially when I was in my early teens I was bitter and depressed over what I saw as a squalid existance between my Parent's rages and the kids at school who made fun of me and who I hated.And I hated that I was a child(I looked a lot younger than I was).Any time a woman addressed me as "Little Boy" I'd fly into a rage and then be depressed for about a week.But hearing Dad scream bloody murder at Mom and haviving Him shout at us had been the norm for a long time.But there were good times too, and Dad helped find a boarding school for me that helped me a lot-I stopped the tantrums. I’ve recently been sorting out memories of a frustrating childhood-frustrating because, for one thing, I had Inflexible-Explosive disorder. I hated that I threw temper tantrums,and I wanted to stop, but couldn’t.I couldn’t stand that I humiliated myself like that, especially since I was always wishing I could be some sort of fantasy “Hero”.And since this was the early 70s, nobody could tell me why I couldn’t help throw fits.For another, I was basically a good kid, but my Father was always taking TV away from me-sometimes for a month-for blowing up at him(often after He’d yelled at me)and thus “Not respecting” Him.These punishments taught me nothing.I couldn’t help blowing up.Now, I learned later that my Father was (is) Bipolar.I wonder how much His behavior had to do with my very low self-esteem and my constant desire to have some kind of fantasy life akin to an old Hollywood movie.Especially when I was in my early teens I was bitter and depressed over what I saw as a squalid existance between my Parent’s rages and the kids at school who made fun of me and who I hated.And I hated that I was a child(I looked a lot younger than I was).Any time a woman addressed me as “Little Boy” I’d fly into a rage and then be depressed for about a week.But hearing Dad scream bloody murder at Mom and haviving Him shout at us had been the norm for a long time.But there were good times too, and Dad helped find a boarding school for me that helped me a lot-I stopped the tantrums.

]]> By: robertgenova http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html/comment-page-1#comment-1685 robertgenova Thu, 25 Jun 2009 02:29:37 +0000 http://finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html#comment-1685 my name is robert and my children have been dealing with my wife who has BPD and bipolar the kids are 5 know and starting to see .she uses the legal system to get rid of me when she manic bi filing false charges of battery and assualt she has bank rupt us cost us our house me my company and has squndered over a100,000 over the years the fl courts gave me custody and ordered her to therapy but she would just lye to her therepast so how could she help well after losing the house we had to move to Ga. and I came home to yet another false restraining order I saw the signs but what due you do until the bomb goes off and its to late i am in fear for my childrens well being and lives i am afraid to go to work for fear she will injure them or take off again .I have had to sleep with one eye open for 3 years now for the safety of the kids and myself and the law wont help and i cant find any local support .I see on the news more and more that bipolar people are harming or killing thiier children and i am afraid mine could be next if the courts dont force her to get help she hasnt gone to therapy in a year and hasnt taken her meds for more than five I am afraid for our lives can anybody help robertgenova@yahoo.com 678-677-7451 can you help my name is robert and my children have been dealing with my wife who has BPD and bipolar the kids are 5 know and starting to see .she uses the legal system to get rid of me when she manic bi filing false charges of battery and assualt she has bank rupt us cost us our house me my company and has squndered over a100,000 over the years the fl courts gave me custody and ordered her to therapy but she would just lye to her therepast so how could she help well after losing the house we had to move to Ga. and I came home to yet another false restraining order I saw the signs but what due you do until the bomb goes off and its to late i am in fear for my childrens well being and lives i am afraid to go to work for fear she will injure them or take off again .I have had to sleep with one eye open for 3 years now for the safety of the kids and myself and the law wont help and i cant find any local support .I see on the news more and more that bipolar people are harming or killing thiier children and i am afraid mine could be next if the courts dont force her to get help she hasnt gone to therapy in a year and hasnt taken her meds for more than five I am afraid for our lives can anybody help
robertgenova@yahoo.com
678-677-7451 can you help

]]> By: Suzanne http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html/comment-page-1#comment-1370 Suzanne Sat, 20 Sep 2008 13:44:11 +0000 http://finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html#comment-1370 Growing up with a severely ill mother (bipolar) that couldn't be helped with meds, ECT's, etc. was so incredibly chaotic (plus my father was a "functioning" alcoholic in that he could work but he certainly wasn't any great shakes in the "fathering" dept.). She was in & out of the mental institution, had numerous suicide attempts, was physically & mentally abusive to us kids (& my father often got "fed up" & would just leave us with her defenseless), had religious delusions & very erratic behavior. I had to call the police several times for fear she would kill my brother & they would haul her off to the mental institution where she would stay about 2 weeks & I could never understand why they would let her out & the whole nightmare would start over again. My father eventually figured out to try to get her involuntarily committed & she found out about that & finally successfully killed herself by asphyxiating herself with a plastic bag over her head. I was 15 & coincidentally had had my 1st suicide attempt 3 mos. prior (drug overdose using prescription medication not illegal drugs). My father was very ANGRY with me for messing up his social schedule as he had to cancel a yacht club cruise as the school said I couldn't come back for 2 weeks after the OD & needed some kind of mental health treatment (none given) & to be "watched." Well, with my mother dead, he figured he didn't want any of that kind of crap from me so if I got depressed he banished me from his sight so I spent a lot of time crying in a corner in my room & trying to figure out how to kill myself. Had a few more suicide attempts. More stomach pumps. My father NEVER explained what the hell was wrong with my mother until she had been dead for about 7 years. My brother started questioning him as we never went to a funeral. Was she even buried somewhere? (Yes, he had a funeral & people came, but he didn't tell us children about it or bring us.) My father said she got "sick" when I was about 3. She called him at work & told him she was going to kill the children & kill herself. He called the police, went home & she was carted off to the mental hospital & that's when it all started. Diagnosed as bipolar 1 (manic depression back then) with psychosis. But we were never told she was "sick" so we just lived with this mother who called me a whore when I didn't even know what the word meant & checked my genitals for VD & said I had the "devil's" blood in me. Here I'm going to school every day--a whore with the devil's blood wondering what VD is. No wonder I couldn't learn how to divide or do fractions or locate Georgia on a map!!! So here I am: 54 years old with a diagnosis of bipolar 1 myself (have had some delusional thinking, mostly paranoia which has been successfully knocked out with Abilify); luckily no violence or abusive behavior & able to sustain a 34 year marriage & raise 2 children (who unfortunately have had serious bouts with depression but have been successfully treated with medication & therapy & are both off meds now & doing great in their careers & lives--32 & 29); but those children certainly had the mental illness I had explained to them & the symptoms & the genetic component so they knew what to watch for in their own case (daughter was a sophmore in college & had to take a medical leave for a semester when depression hit; son was a senior in high school & I found a suicide note--talk about GUILT of infecting my children with this). My daughter has decided not to have children--not to pass this gene on. My son has not expressed anything to me yet about his having children. I guess we have dealt with it successfully, as much as possible with an illness such as bipolar that can't be cured as it still fluctuates.--Suzanne Growing up with a severely ill mother (bipolar) that couldn’t be helped with meds, ECT’s, etc. was so incredibly chaotic (plus my father was a “functioning” alcoholic in that he could work but he certainly wasn’t any great shakes in the “fathering” dept.). She was in & out of the mental institution, had numerous suicide attempts, was physically & mentally abusive to us kids (& my father often got “fed up” & would just leave us with her defenseless), had religious delusions & very erratic behavior. I had to call the police several times for fear she would kill my brother & they would haul her off to the mental institution where she would stay about 2 weeks & I could never understand why they would let her out & the whole nightmare would start over again.

My father eventually figured out to try to get her involuntarily committed & she found out about that & finally successfully killed herself by asphyxiating herself with a plastic bag over her head. I was 15 & coincidentally had had my 1st suicide attempt 3 mos. prior (drug overdose using prescription medication not illegal drugs).

My father was very ANGRY with me for messing up his social schedule as he had to cancel a yacht club cruise as the school said I couldn’t come back for 2 weeks after the OD & needed some kind of mental health treatment (none given) & to be “watched.” Well, with my mother dead, he figured he didn’t want any of that kind of crap from me so if I got depressed he banished me from his sight so I spent a lot of time crying in a corner in my room & trying to figure out how to kill myself.

Had a few more suicide attempts. More stomach pumps. My father NEVER explained what the hell was wrong with my mother until she had been dead for about 7 years. My brother started questioning him as we never went to a funeral. Was she even buried somewhere? (Yes, he had a funeral & people came, but he didn’t tell us children about it or bring us.)

My father said she got “sick” when I was about 3. She called him at work & told him she was going to kill the children & kill herself. He called the police, went home & she was carted off to the mental hospital & that’s when it all started. Diagnosed as bipolar 1 (manic depression back then) with psychosis. But we were never told she was “sick” so we just lived with this mother who called me a whore when I didn’t even know what the word meant & checked my genitals for VD & said I had the “devil’s” blood in me. Here I’m going to school every day–a whore with the devil’s blood wondering what VD is. No wonder I couldn’t learn how to divide or do fractions or locate Georgia on a map!!!

So here I am: 54 years old with a diagnosis of bipolar 1 myself (have had some delusional thinking, mostly paranoia which has been successfully knocked out with Abilify); luckily no violence or abusive behavior & able to sustain a 34 year marriage & raise 2 children (who unfortunately have had serious bouts with depression but have been successfully treated with medication & therapy & are both off meds now & doing great in their careers & lives–32 & 29); but those children certainly had the mental illness I had explained to them & the symptoms & the genetic component so they knew what to watch for in their own case (daughter was a sophmore in college & had to take a medical leave for a semester when depression hit; son was a senior in high school & I found a suicide note–talk about GUILT of infecting my children with this).

My daughter has decided not to have children–not to pass this gene on. My son has not expressed anything to me yet about his having children.

I guess we have dealt with it successfully, as much as possible with an illness such as bipolar that can’t be cured as it still fluctuates.–Suzanne

]]> By: Joe http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html/comment-page-1#comment-1145 Joe Mon, 09 Jun 2008 12:02:37 +0000 http://finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html#comment-1145 Hi, Cecille-- I have been mean to my spouse during such times, too. My wife used to handle all the finances, but I agreed to take on the chore, because it was a stressor for her. Recently, during a manic episode, she hid our checkbook. After several hours of searching our home, I found it in a drawer I rarely look in under a table cloth. That's just one small example. Living with bipolar becomes awfully stressful for all loved ones. I hope your husband is able to make the leap to gaining some perspective and getting some help. My wife is currently in the hospital - forced there by a court order. I talked with her yesterday. The doctor put her on lithium and Seroquel. She was apologizing to me for all the trouble she caused. It's not her fault. It's the bipolar. I can say that now and sound so sensitive and understanding, but when she was home accusing me of having an affair and being in my face 24/7, and making our lives a living hell, I wasn't exactly the sensitive husband I'd like to be. I hope you and your family the best. I hope your kids get their father back from bipolar and you and your husband see some better days, whether you split up or not. Hi, Cecille–

I have been mean to my spouse during such times, too. My wife used to handle all the finances, but I agreed to take on the chore, because it was a stressor for her. Recently, during a manic episode, she hid our checkbook. After several hours of searching our home, I found it in a drawer I rarely look in under a table cloth. That’s just one small example.

Living with bipolar becomes awfully stressful for all loved ones. I hope your husband is able to make the leap to gaining some perspective and getting some help.

My wife is currently in the hospital – forced there by a court order. I talked with her yesterday. The doctor put her on lithium and Seroquel. She was apologizing to me for all the trouble she caused. It’s not her fault. It’s the bipolar. I can say that now and sound so sensitive and understanding, but when she was home accusing me of having an affair and being in my face 24/7, and making our lives a living hell, I wasn’t exactly the sensitive husband I’d like to be.

I hope you and your family the best. I hope your kids get their father back from bipolar and you and your husband see some better days, whether you split up or not.

]]> By: Cecille http://www.finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html/comment-page-1#comment-1142 Cecille Mon, 09 Jun 2008 03:07:46 +0000 http://finkshrink.com/blog/children/growing-up-with-a-parent-with-mental-illness.html#comment-1142 Thank you for this article. I am dealing with my ex having some kind of manic disorder and it has caused him not to see our 3 kids much. He use to have them most weekends. But he also suffers from poor judgement and it has been building over the two years we've been separated. He can't manage his own life, let alone 3 kids. But he thinks he can. He can't see his problem. In short, a GAL is involved now and I hope our upcoming divorce gets him to acknowledge his problems. But through all this, our middle child, daughter, 7, has become very angry and blaming me for not seeing daddy. I am mean to him. She doesn't understand and I have had to explain that I want her to see her dad but he is not well and has to get better. O Lordy...just trying to keep it all together. Thanks for listening. Thank you for this article. I am dealing with my ex having some kind of manic disorder and it has caused him not to see our 3 kids much. He use to have them most weekends. But he also suffers from poor judgement and it has been building over the two years we’ve been separated. He can’t manage his own life, let alone 3 kids. But he thinks he can. He can’t see his problem. In short, a GAL is involved now and I hope our upcoming divorce gets him to acknowledge his problems. But through all this, our middle child, daughter, 7, has become very angry and blaming me for not seeing daddy. I am mean to him. She doesn’t understand and I have had to explain that I want her to see her dad but he is not well and has to get better. O Lordy…just trying to keep it all together. Thanks for listening.

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