37 Responses to “Jane’s Family”

1. Tammi on July 29th, 2008 3:53 am

   I do not have any suggestions for you. However I can very much empathize. I have a sister who is Bipolar and does and behaves very similar to your kids. She is currently in a depressive stage and I am feeling like it to some degree is manupulative. The more depressed I am the more pathetic I can be the less I have to take responsibility for my life. I too have had it and am exhausted and have thought of severing all ties. She too is “really a difficult person for me to deal with. She is manipulative, very narcissistic, and a user of people, and frankly I too am tired of giving to her constantly.” She definitely “plays the relationship off and on game with me, and I am tired of it. If she gets mad, she too sever ties. sometimes for as long as two years or so, then she gets over it and yes usually she gets mad when she is a manic stage and I begin to call her on her crap. She stopped talking to me recently about a month ago and went around telling people we both know what a B—- I am. Then last Sunday she calls saying “I need help” and wants me to take her to the hospital. I pick her etc…. and now it’s the pathetic I’m so depressed I can’t function… pay my bills etc… I have so had it! I too work full time and am exhausted. I just cannot take it.

2. Anothermother on October 15th, 2008 2:49 am

   Sorry. I, too, can empathize. I have a 22-year-old bipolar daughter who lies and manipulates. You need to take care of yourself. You’ve done all you could.

3. Sheila on October 25th, 2008 4:13 am

   Boy, when I read all of your comments, I couldn’t believe it. I am in the very same boat presently. I have 3 kids, ages 29, 28 & 20 and all of them exhibit signs of Narcissism and Borderline Personality Disorder. Would you believe none of them are speaking to me right now because I am not voting for their choice of President? It is always something with all of them until they want money. My youngest daughter blew up at me 2 months ago because she didn’t like the Chinese restaurant I took her to for dinner; now this. At the same time, my Bipolar husband crashed today after days of being Hypomanic. I cannot find him tonight and who knows where he is. I am so tired of all of this crap. I just want some normalcy in my life. I am seriously considering divorcing my husband and just cutting off my ties with my kids permanently, and moving miles away to New England and starting over again. Any suggestions would be truly appreciated.

4. Anonymous on November 1st, 2008 8:42 pm

   WOW, same boat here. It is my sister that is driving the family nuts. She is completely right in everythign she does, according to her, and all of us are out to get her and take her children away. She is completely crazy and we want to severe all ties with her. She is nuts and we do not know what to do, or who to call. It is just insane.

5. Joe on November 2nd, 2008 2:08 pm

   Anonymous–

   Saying that your sister is “crazy” and “nuts” won’t make your family’s situation any better. You and other family members would be better off thinking of your sister as “ill.” Yes, the brain can become ill, and unfortunately, when it does, it can lead to all sorts of behaviors that make it extremely difficult to be around the person.

   You have to keep in mind, however, that these are symptoms of an illness.

   Assuming your sister is bipolar, she needs medical treatment, not to be ostracized by her own family. When a family member suffers an illness, it’s time for family members to step up and help. In the case of a mental illness, when your loved one is likely to resist getting the treatment she needs, it’s a whole lot more difficult, but it’s no less necessary.

6. joe on March 2nd, 2009 9:42 pm

   I agree with the other joe. however, we all need to follow the last and certainly the most important step for all of us who are not ill. we need to set fair and reasonable, make our family members aware of thee limits and then stick to our guns. we must plan for all categories of crisis and have contingencies. would we be willing to take in a family member? a child? could we this person(s) to live in a homeless shelter. will we refuse to give any money whatsoever to a person who is using drugs? would we get a restraining order? You can love your kids, but you have to save your sanity. sometimes you just have to say no, mean it, and walk away. sometimes this helps and sometimes this makes things worse. consider your safety first, your peace of mind second, and the ill person third.

7. kumi on April 28th, 2009 12:16 am

   first off, people with bipolar disorder should never use it as an excuse to manipulate, lie, steal or just plain take advantage of others. i do not know you, but i can tell you that being someone with Bipolar 1, my husband has never acknowledged it. He has just started to understand. But, he never put up with my crap. I chose to stay with him after years of failed relationships. I did not talk to my parents for 2 years. Stop giving in! kick them out and tell them to get help. They may hate you for a while but what else can you do? The grandchildren, now that’s another matter you need to address. I feel for you on that one. you are at your wits end. You probably will end up in the hospital from exhaustion. They are so taking advantage of you. I have suffered with Bipolar my whole life, my mother kicked me out when i was pregnant out of wedlock. It was the best thing she ever did for me. Scary i know but you have to or you will just keep letting them do what they want to you.

8. michelle on August 23rd, 2009 10:04 am

   My ex-husband is Paranoid Schizophrenic also he is bi-polar, i have 2 daughters with him. I had such a horrible time with them as teens and at that time i did not understand what was really going on. I thought this was just them being teens.They were extremely manipulative ,lying, stealing causing havoc, telling people i am a mean horrible mother. I have also a 3rd child who has a different father. This 3rd child has a disability ,not mental,going through tough times with with her disability and feeling depressed about it at that time my 2 bi-polar teen daughters were being so chaotic they worsened the situation with their younger sister. Well years later down the road, i had many volatile situations with these 2 girls as adults. I ,yesterday had to call the police to have them removed from my house just as i had to do with their father. My middle daughter who is 21 who was temporarily staying with me for a visit, had started earlier that day acting aggressive ,i had asked her to stop acting that way because i could see she was starting to get out of control. I removed myself from this situation went to my room because she was having a party at my house for her 1 yr old son. I felt i could not handle her aggression anymore ,i was afraid of her so i hid in my room, well the party started and she could not handle the fact that i wanted to take cover from her , she exploded in front of all the guests and literally started attacking her 11 yr old sister her sister started screaming and running from her and my bi-polar daughter chased her 11 yr old sister into her room and just screaming at her ,my 11 yr old got away from her and ran into my room with me and locked my door. I went out of my room and asked for everyone to please just leave. My 2 bi-polar daughters went out of control grabbing me ,so i told them if they do not leave i will call the police ,well they would not leave so i called the police and had to have them removed , this was truly hard on me ,i am their mother. I am truly at my wits end, i hate to say this but i feel relieved having those 2 gone. I have to honestly say i rather not have my youngest ever see that again. I also am in fear of my safety from them. I actually am so frightened ,i am looking into moving away. I am going to see about some type of support group so i maybe can find a way to help my youngest out after all she has witnessed. What i have noticed is the peace that is in my house when my 2 bi-polar daughters are not around. I know this sounds so mean since i gave birth to those 2 ,but you get to a point you cant take it anymore i feel like they are making me crazy, just how i felt when i was with their mentally ill father. Their father was extremely violent ,i ended up in a battered woman shelter.Honestly ,i want peace in my life. Please do not think that i am blaming people with a mental illness, i understand it is an illness but dealing with non medicated bi-polar daughters is literally making me ill and their 11 yr old sister miserable.

9. Eliza on September 9th, 2009 3:37 pm

   I came across this blog through a key word search- and reading these stories is like looking in a mirror. My sister has been terrorizing our family for years in these ways, and we just don’t know what to do anymore. She’s destroyed our family. She knows how to play on our protective impulses, so that my parents will do things to protect me from her and I will do things to protect them from her. Then she had a son, and we all adore him. But she is not above using him as a tool to punish us if we don’t want to give her money or put up with her endless harangues about how awful we all are. She’s jealous that we put her son’s needs above hers sometimes, which is just sad. There has to be some other way- my life is supposed to be about me, not someone else. I understand that a lot of these behaviors are caused by her disorder, but it still seems like coddling her and putting her first has made everything so much worse. I’ve considered seeing if she would be willing to do family therapy with me so we can try to establish more normal boundaries. I’d be interested in hearing if anyone has tried this with a bipolar family member before, and if it was helpful.

10. Kathy on November 22nd, 2009 9:50 pm

    I’m hearing all these stories and feel your pain. My 24 year old bi-polar daughter has destroyed me family life. She has told lies to my family and alienated me from my mother and other family members. She is so selfish and self centered and does not care that the lies she has told caused me, along with her 11&12 yr old siblings to be kicked out of our home. ( I financed a home in my mthers name. She told my mother that I was on drugs. My mother kicked us out and tried to take my children) of coarse she couldn’t . Because it wasn’t true) but now my mother and I haven’t spoken in years. And there is more but I’m sure you all know how it goes. I was so angry for a long time.

    My other children and I have become very close. unfortunately their narcissistic sister has not seen the light. We love her from a distance. A safe distance.

11. Lonewolf on January 9th, 2010 12:25 pm

    OMG…it is great to know I am no alone out there but yet I feel so alone!! I have a son from a previous marriage. His father became extremely mentally ill…OCD, Paranoia, BiPolar etc. It became unbareable to live with him. The guilt of leaving nearly destroyed me but eventually I knew it was the best thing I could have ever done for my family. Now….12 yrs. later I am very happily remarried and have a daughter with my current hubby. Well, I feel like history is now repeating itself because my 14 yr old son is Bipolar and is tearing my family apart. I have been trying everything….medication…inpatient therapy…outpatient day treatment therapy and yet my world is collapsing day by day. My husband, who is the man of my dreams and treats me like gold and my son who has so many issues do not get along at all anymore. My husband, like many men feels that a child needs to listen to their parents and do as they are told as I too have that same thought process. BUT….my son, no matter what we do is constantly unhappy, irritated, verbally abusive, ungreatful and he treats me the worst of everyone in the family, is literally breaking my spirt, my health, my life. I do love him but I hate what this is doing to all of us. I am at my witts end. He wants to move out and live with relatives on his bio-dad’s side. Honestly that is the last place I want him to go but I am now at the point that I am honestly considering it. I know that must be so wrong of me..what kind of mother would do that… but I just want to be happy and healthy and enjoy the rest of my life. The stress of him is killing me. All I hear from my son is how he hates my current husband. My husband is also at his witts end as well and just doesn’t know how to deal with it either. We are only human too but where do I turn next???? I AM SO LOST!!!!! I NEED HELP. One minute his wants to leave the next he is begging to stay…this is how he does everything with me….hot then cold…yes than no….OMG it is the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. Well, that is it in a very small nut shell. I can actually go on an on but why??? It is just more of the same over and over. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated… Thanks for listening.

12. pastworeout on March 24th, 2010 8:27 pm

    I can totally relate to all the stories written above, I have a 24 year old bipolar daughter that is driving me nuts….very manipulative and narcistic and personality disorder to boot….she is destroying our family, but if I kick her out she will be literally homeless as she is unable to keep friends due to her erratic behavior and nobody is willing to take her in. I’m at the point where I want to move out just to get away from her…..so that I can have peace in my life…

13. alex on April 20th, 2010 9:35 am

    These stories are all in line with my family – my sister is a 27 year old bipolar-alcoholic. She acts similar to the worst of the worst of the bipolars described above and has destroyed my otherwise happy family time and time again. Right now, I am preparing to go to court against the state because during an early morning manic episode she called the police and said I had assaulted her (I am her brother). She had them take photos of old bruises and bumps on her and said I gave her a bloody nose and all of these things which never happened. The next day, she decides it didn’t happen that way and tries to drop all charges but the state picked them up. Now, no matter how hard she pleads and tries to convince them, I have to hire an attorney (500-1000 dollars) to represent me in court. If I lose, I could be facing up to ten years in prison and have to pay her 2500$ for something that I didn’t do. This is just too far. I was paraded out of my front door in handcuffs in front of my entire neighborhood. She blamed me for all of her life problems and said she never wants to see me again etc. She called the cops on my father 3 months ago because he refused to GIVE her his car and she said he verbally abused her (luckily, the cops didn’t buy that one). Before that, there were at least 3 similar instances of her calling the cops and saying me, my mother, or my father are doing something to her, but the cops didn’t buy it until this time.

    The thing is that my mother always protects her NO MATTER WHAT! No matter how much trouble she causes, pain she creates, and relationships she destroys, my mother refuses to let her enter the real world. My sister is 27 and has not held a job since age 22. My mother has supported her completely since age 14-15. She fought her tooth and nail to get her to go to high school every morning and my sister barely graduated. Then, she bought her an apartment in Atlanta and paid for it for 2 years. She gave my sister a minivan, and my sister hit another man getting a DUI (the guy was REALLY nice and decided not to press charges). After that, my sister came back home to live and after again realizing that my sister simply cannot peacefully live with us, she bought her a condominium. My sister lived in the condo for a few more months (without working or contributing, of course) before things exploded there with her alcoholic boyfriend. She called me at 4AM that she was going to kill herself so I go and get her and had to FIGHT this drunk prison-break guy to get him to leave the condo. Again, instead of making her face reality, my mom AGAIN brought her home where we get cussed out daily, put down, etc. She just sleeps all day, then wakes up to go on a rage, and if you say anything to her, it’s your fault and all her life problems are caused by you. She’s even chased my friend with a knife for knocking on the door at the wrong time (apparently, 4PM is too early in the morning to wake her up). Just the nastiest person anyone can imagine.

    I know alot of people here are thinking about “severing ties” but this isn’t even a consideration for me, it’s done. I love my sister and she can be as depressed and unhappy and woe-is-me as she wants, but this is just too much. Every time I am close to her, no matter what, something bad happens to me as a result of her. And it’s not just me, every person she is near and every relationship she constructs goes down like a burning bridge in the worst possible way. Luckily, my father has also had enough of her crap. This time, he has told her she is going to a woman’s shelter and that she is not living in his home again. Of course my mom is protecting my sister and lets my sister get away with murder because of her bipolar, but my dad and I don’t buy it anymore. I can’t take this crazy stuff. I am seriously considering moving from DC to to California or Hawaii or something just so I can be as far away as possible from her and her destruction.

    I just sincerely ask to all of the protective mothers out there: please consider the life of your other children. If you are considering kicking out your bipolar daughter/son and can’t bring yourself to do it, please consider the lives of your other children. They don’t deserve this lifestyle and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

14. tofu on April 20th, 2010 11:50 pm

    OK, I see I’m not alone. I am truly so physically and mentally worn from dealing with two family members with mental illness that I can’t even read these posts. I did scan them and perhaps tomorrow I will be up to reading them. I have always tried to be a compassionate person, but it’s never enough. I feel my life is not my own anymore and I’m having a mental breakdown from trying to deal with it every day. Does anyone understand me?

15. jacquie on July 21st, 2010 1:48 am

    We have but only one life and hopefully we will choose happiness because life is so short. I am a mother of a 17 year old bipolar teen and after so many tears from lies, manipulations, dreams destroyed and constant worry as well as shame. I came to a conclusion that as much as I want too heal or fix this beautiful child of mine it is not in my capability to do so. She is a seperate person from me and individual who has her own road to travel, her own mistakes to learn from, her own crosses to bare and her own life to live.
    I am there for her to a certain degree as a parent but have learned I can only be there for her if she allows me, not because I am desperate and want to help.I am there to parent her but know that i can only parent her if she allows me too.This si a battle I have fought and now know I can not win because there is no winner in this mess.
    I no longer allow her to rule my life, to cripple me with endless tears, too suck the joy of life from my being and attempt to bring chaos to all those around her. I have watched myself in the past be so focused on her issues that i have pushed my other 2 beautiful daughters aside at times, which was simply unfair. I now no longer succumb to the squeaky wheel gets the oil and realise there is more to my own life then this disease and that is what I choose to invest myself in as they are much greater joys and rewards, making my life a life worth living.
    This may sound selfish but like a person with cancer you can’t take it away , you can’t taske the chemo you can only offer empathy and thats about it.

16. Robbin on July 28th, 2010 3:32 am

    Please check out Dr. Abram Hoffer’s approach to curing mental illness. I have a daughter who was diagnosed bipolar ll 4.5 years ago and it’s been a nightmare of a life until I tried this simple solution. Perhaps it will help you.

17. Bibi on July 29th, 2010 8:57 am

    Thank you all, I just came out of a mental clinic on Sunday, and I am diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and borderline Bi-Polar.

    You all have said enormous things to shed some light on what my husband must be feeling with me. He too must be thinking of severing ties with me, but yet he is still there. Day after Day trying to take care of me and being the primary care taker of our daughter because I just can’t seem to handle it. I left my job because I couldn’t handle the stress, and nearly committed suicide (attempt unsuccessful) because of my own dysfunction.

    For all of you who deal with people like me…Thank you for being there for your own…and I am truly sorry that our behavior can lead you to be in the same boat as we are in.

    You are special people who are gifted and talented to be able to handle our disorders. I don’t think I am as severe as the others in this story but trying to commit suicide puts you at the end.

    Now, I see the light and I am going to work hard. I think instead of reading about people with my disorders I should do just this, read about the people who have to deal with the family member with the disorder.

18. Vanessa on August 3rd, 2010 5:01 am

    I’m so relieved to find all these posts!!
    After yet another long, drawn out, chaotic battle today, I typed these words into Google search:
    “Bipolar daughter is making me crazy” and found all of these posts describing EXACTLY what
    my husband and I have been going through with both my daughter ( bipolar, OCD ) and her
    husband(narcissistic, aggressive, verbally abusive )..

    The combination of the two leaves us reeling with exhaustion and stress..they feed off each
    other and support each other almost in perfect union.
    They can tear at you until you just have to crawl into a room and shut the door, locking it
    behind you..

    To everyone here, the love will never go away for your children, you know this, but for your
    own self-preservation it DOES become necessary to distance yourself from the crazy chaos..
    You cannot allow yourself to be beat down, you wouldn’t allow it from any stranger and
    nothing says you must continually endure it for the love of your child..

    Refuse to see them until they seek proper treatment and stay on their meds..MAKE them
    remember what it is they love about you by your absence and use those memories to
    guide them to take proper control of their behaviour!!

19. Vanessa on August 3rd, 2010 5:23 am

    Oh, and never expect “help” from those who stand outside the walls looking “in” they do not see or
    experience what you do, find support groups for
    YOU that lift YOU up and above the pain, abuse
    emotional detachment and stress..Yes, it is a constant battle to keep yourself from “believing”
    that you really are as worthless as they can make you feel…and you can still love them from a distance with boundaries firmly in place..

20. Echo on September 15th, 2010 1:32 pm

    joe- ur an ass! Jane i am right behind you. I have a 16 yr old who has been bipolar for many years. she has been diagnosed for 2 years after YEARS of trying to get help. she has abused me phsycially, verbally, mentally, emotionally.she has lied, manipulated, stoeln, abused drugs, she is EXTREMELY narcissistic! EVERYTHING IS ABOUT HER. the worst is not on;y has she destroyed me, she is ruining her younger sister. she is very co dependent and it is so unhealthy. she is in her own reality. she refuses meds, refuses psychiatrists. she likes to self medicate when she is not at home. there are no ways to set bounds with her. she walks over them. i love her and im always every day hoping that today will be that day things will get better. she has been arrested… u name it its happened. sex, drugs, arrests, alcohol, she has hit me, broken windows, she has been with issues since she was 6 years old. but she is to the point i can not take ANY MORE. i dont know what to do. she has 16 months until she is 18 and at that point im telling her she is on her own. she is only nice when she wants something. she is lazy, rude, rididculous and she makes up her own reality. she is all drama. my 12 year old is not doing so well now. and she has convinced my 12 yr old recently that she has a horrible life and that she needs to move somewhere with her!! last night was the end of what i can do . i literally sat on my floor shaking and crying and completely lost and empty. she reduced me to tears. she has destroyed me. literally. i dont think ANYONE deserves this. i love my daughter but i dont think i should be expected to live like this.

21. Echo on September 15th, 2010 1:34 pm

    oh shoot and to add : my daughter is bipolar type 1, ODD, ADD, ADHD, 2 anxiety disorders, an anger disorder, a panic disorder. the only med she will take is xanax and i cant even get her to go to see her medical dr regularly to stay on it!

22. Dinah on November 24/2010 on November 24th, 2010 11:15 pm

    Hey friends I know what you are talking about and I know how you feel. My daughter is 37 and has Bi Polar and has just about destroyed our small little family. She has a daughter 17 and a son 8. They have lived with us most of their lives and my grandaughter either has Bi Polar also or her mother has driven her mad. My husband and I moved 387 miles away from her to try to get some peace, and we had to go get our grandson he stayed with her 6 weeks and missed 11 days of school. It is so hard on the kids no one knows unless they have been there. I have found that BP are miserable and want to make their families as miserable as they are, I think this is why they want to live with us and trash our homes and break us financially. They would’t care if we became homeless. Sometimes I wonder what did I do so wrong to have a child like this.

23. Kiki on November 26th, 2010 1:11 am

    Wow, everyone’s posts have finally made me feel like I am not alone on this. If only I had someone to talk to about it on a daily basis and if only my mom understood how i feel. I am 21 and my sister is 23, life with her has been a living hell. I am not quite sure if she is bi polar, she has a lot of the same symptoms so I believe she is. My mom on the other hand refuses to think she is bi polar, she says she just has a chemical imbalance(which I think is very similar to bi polar) which she believes was caused by the divorce of my parents which was when I was 1 and she was 3. When I was very little my sister would call me names and beat me up. When my sister was in high school the beating me up turned into chasing me and my mom around the house with a knife threatening to kill us. So many nights I have locked myself in my room praying that my sister wont bust the door down and kill me or my mom. So many times I have seen my sister beat my mom and I have had to try everything in my power to get her to stop. When I was younger and it happened I was too small to do anything back and now luckily I am big enough(although she is still a lot bigger than me) to defend myself, but my mom on the other hand is weak and cannot. I am sick of seeing my mom with bruises all over her body because of my sister, my mom divorced my father because he was abusive to her and now she takes it from my sister. My sister tells me all the time that her “goal in life is to kill me and make my life hell”. I go to college out of state so the only contact we have is by phone but after everything in my life she has done to me I have no desire at all to answer her calls or respond to her texts. When I leave for school she tells me she misses me and my mom tells me that my sister tells her she wants me to talk to her but I have tried to let her in my life over and over again and it just always ends up biting me in the butt. She will never stop her antics at trying to ruin my life (if we start to get on better terms the second she gets angry about something she takes it out on me like always). My mom on the other hand gets very upset with me that I won’t try to talk to her. I don’t understand how she could try so hard with my sister. I am just so tired and sad because of her I cant deal with her. And now it is also ruining my relationship with my mom because we have different views on how she should be handled. My mom tells me I am selfish because I don’t respond to my sister when she calls and I don’t try to talk to her when I see her. Am I selfish for this? I am going to school to be a nurse and I really enjoy taking care of people- I’ve been told I have great patience with people, but I can’t find it in my heart to have patience with my sister anymore. She has hurt me so much =( I wish my mom would understand and stop getting upset with me about it.

24. Diane on December 31st, 2010 12:48 pm

    This is amazing for me. I’m not alone. I have a 25 year old bipolar2 daughter and it is absolutely crazy making. To boot, I have just been diagnosed with diabetes, and the stress effects my blood sugar. It is near impossible to find people that understand the struggles yet here you are. I too am going crazy and enjoy being without my daughter most times, sad to say. The topics are so similar I will not write them out. There are all there. Our doctor said she should calm down by the age of 30, Have any of you heard that?

    Thanks all for sharing. I’m not alone in this and that does feel better. My family and freinds don’t understand the seriousness of the situation. I don’t really see any of them anymore. It just depresses me.

25. Ryan on January 3rd, 2011 7:34 pm

    Hello,

    I know this may sound weird… but I found some comfort in reading your stories. My sister has put our small family of three in crisis over the last month. I am her brother, 28, and she is 26. My sister has never exhibited any psychological problems to cause my mother and I to worry beyond… well a normal mood swing. My sister suffered a back injury about 8 months ago… herniated disk. Her pain recently was so bad that a doctor prescribed cymbalta (anti-depressant) to subdue nerve pain. After a month… she had a psychological breakdown. She became violent and started smashing the bathroom… mirrors, glass, anything she could get her hands on. The cops came and took her away. There was so much blood on the bathroom it looked like someone was murdered. Since then life has been upside down. In and out of hospitals… talking with police.

    While she was in the psych ward… about a month ago… they wanted her to take serequel because they thought she could be bipolar. She refused and was able to talk her way out of the psych ward. She has a college degree and is very smart. At home she continues to be extremely volatile and blows up at everyone. She cycles through people almost daily and plans to move out of my mother’s house. Growing up we were always best of friends… I’d do anything for her. She has not gotten violent with me since we were like 12. Over the past 3 weeks she’s tried to hit me in the face 3 times. When I asked her how can you justify hitting me… she says, “you fucking deserve it… and I was able to only get you one time. You are hard to get!” Then she laughs. She’s told my mom, “I wish you a speedy death… die you whore cunt bitch.” I’m pulling as many strings as possible to get her into treatment and she is supposed to start tomorrow. In the meantime… she is destroying the family. I just want her out of the house.

    Thanks for all your stories… seeing I’m not the only one going through this gives me hope that life will go on. Good Luck.

26. Dawn on January 5th, 2011 2:57 am

    WOW…It feels good to know that others are at their wits end too. MY TURN TO VENT! I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter diagnosed with bipolar illness and ADHD; with borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic traits that have pretty much destroyed my family. Having been raised by a mother who was undiagnosed with bipolar, I know better than anybody what chaos can come to a household. I grew up watching my mother manipulate people with her depression; turn into a raging maniac that beat my brother; cuss, yell and scream at my father until he would loose it and beat her, attempt suicide, then act like the perfect “Leave it to Beaver” mother. Luckily my older brother got me out of the house and away from the mess as often as he could. Unfortunately he was 9 years older than me and exposed me to drugs and alcohol by the age of 10. I was a wild child to say the least and looking back it all makes sense.

    When my daughter was diagnosed at the age of twelve I cried my eyes out because I knew what she and everyone else was in for and it’s harder than hell to deal with it all while choosing not to escape using drugs and alcohol anymore. I’ve been to the meetings both with and without my daughter but they don’t really do much for me. I tend not to hyper focus on something I cannot change. Does me no good to sit and listen to what other people are going through when I don’t want to be going through it myself. Instead I go kayaking, walk a trail, meet a friend, see a play, dance, whatever I can think of to take the focus off all the bipolar bullshit because that’s what helps me, not going to some meeting and hearing about it even more! I need a fucking escape from it! Since my brother was beaten as a child he thinks that all my daughter needs is a good ass whooping because “that’s what straightened him out as a child”(thank goodness he has no children of his own). The grandparents thought she needed more activities, herbal meds, and diet changes (which we tried all of them). Then my husband – being the mush melon that he is, listening to everyone else’s advice – decides to leave it all up to me. Not only does my daughter loose friends and family ties, I do too because I’m of course to blame or made to look like the evil one from the lies she’s told.

    My daughter has slept with my best friend’s 25 year old son at the age of 15, has been wreckless with friends, almost drown in a river over at my brother’s house because she ran off without telling anybody, caused all kinds of drama in the house and at school, told her friends that her father and I burnt her and beat her with pots and pans, would throw tantrums and lie to avoid punishment to the point of cutting, stabbing, bruising herself or overdosing. AND even though she’s been on meds for 4 years now she still doesn’t care how wreckless she lives because she has the attitude she’s going to die anyway. Tell a bipolar person smoking is harmful and causes cancer…THEY DON’T GIVE A FUCK! There seems to be no stopping this train wreck of an illness. Needless to say I’ve lost my best friend, my brother has moved away and doesn’t want anything to do with her, her brothers think she is crazy, spoiled, not disciplined enough, etc etc etc, drama, drama, drama and I’m now divorced on top of everything else.

    Yet, I’ve done more for this girl, stood by her, got her involved in sports, art, horse therapy, volunteer work, kayaking on and on and on. I’ve had her in counseling ever since she was little at her first sign of behavior problems – cognitive, DBT, group, and family individual.

    She’s been in and out of the hospital several times. It took a total of 3 years to get her on some sort of medicine that half ass worked and had to put up with all the changes of her personality from the MEDS along the way. Oh but the doctors will never admit to that…”There’s no record of that medicine causing a side effect like that”…BULLSHIT. Some of the meds she’s been on have had such bad side effects it really makes you realize just how much their brain chemistry is restructured. The only medicine that works is Lithium and that has basically shut down her emotions. Now I have a daughter that is emotionless, edgy, anxious going through life without any thought, almost robotic. I can’t reach out and give her hugs anymore because she doesn’t want to be close to anybody. Positives: it’s the only medicine that has stopped the long depressions, hospital stays, cutting and suicide attempts. Now I deal with hypo-mania and mania most of the time. She stays up for nights at a time, refuses her sleep meds, is negative, argumentative and bickers about stuff constantly. I just want to rip my fucking head off from listening to her sometimes. I’m the complete opposite – positive, happy, easy going. Oh and let’s talk about the psychiatrists and counselors for a second. I’m sure many of you have been interrogated by them with their perception of your “bad” parenting skills, especially when your loved one goes into the hospital. FUCK EM! Took me a while to say that but what they see in the hospital is not what your child is actually like all the time. Your child is at their worst in the hospital. I know I’m a damn good mother and am personally tired of all the shit I’ve had to endure as a caregiver by them. Don’t get me wrong, they’re needed, I just don’t put up with any shit from them anymore and dropped quite a few to find the good ones. People that preach to us on what to do – who have never lived with it – DON’T HAVE A CLUE and shouldn’t be giving advice. The one person who has helped me the most is David Oliver. He taught me the importance of finding a good doctor and getting rid of the ones you don’t like ASAP. It sure makes a difference. Don’t settle for anything but the best when it comes to your loved one’s health. David’s mother is bipolar and he has several CD’s, etc. to help people. Look him up on the net, he’s helped me educate some of my family members about the illness.

    It’s difficult for me right now; going through a divorce, family moving out of state, trying to maintain a full time job…I get no help from anybody. I’ve lost everything…house, horses, family and my daughter to this fucking illness!!! I hate it. I’m tired of dealing with it and I wish I didn’t have to anymore to the point where I’ve considered taking my own life(just a thought no action intended). I’m only 43 and my health is deteriorating from my RA so I have to start taking care of myself. My daughter’s counseling appts. are no longer first! All I can say is thank goodness for my friends, my hiking and kayaking group which keeps me sane, my sense of adventure and love for life.

    Without good caregivers where would they be? I know a lot of you on here are just as exhausted and fed up as I am. Take care of yourselves. take a bubble bath, write some poetry, scream, take a walk in the woods, sit by a pond or lake, CALL THE COPS…do whatever you need to. REFUSE TO GIVE INTO THIS BLOOD SUCKING ILLNESS AND LET IT CONTROL YOUR LIFE. And if it makes you feel better…call them a crazy mother fucker (just don’t ever say it to their face)! Keep keepin on as I always say! If anyone wants to email me at dawnql@hotmail.com go for it!

    Pardon my french in this message, but when I need to vent I tell it like I feel it. No use to candy coat anything. I feel better already

27. Gabriel on April 27th, 2011 7:18 pm

    I know this seems odd but I am extremely grateful to have found this site. I am at my wits end and have been for some time. I have spent since 2004 pretending that my wife is just a mean person who only cares about herself and I can help her see her ways and rub off on her and be a good person…..WRONG! She is self-centered, selfish, violent, moody, very negative, throws tantrums, verbally abuses the family but seems to somehow twist and mamipulate this to make herself look like a martyr.

    She goes into her AF job and is a model citizen, then comes home and treats us like crap. We can be just fine and then BAM…..she gets mad for some reason,……every night, every day….we know it is going to happen but just don’t know when.

    She has beat the crap out of me several times, belittes me when I have an awesome job, friends, excellent education, and a GOD. She hates all of them and riducules me for having any of those things but no one would ever now it.

    I have covered for her for years, only called the police once when she punched me in the face while holding my 6mth old daughter in my arms. She then proceeded to drive over the neighbors yard with my child and I had no choice. When the police finally caught up with her and brought her back she threatened them as well. They asked if I wanted to press charges and I said no cause it would hurt her military career.

    Well, 7 years later……she beat the crap out of me before leaving to Afghanistan, locked up all our money in her name and emails me after 5 mths there to tell me she wants a divorce cause I sent her mom home……funny thing is ….she emailed me to send her home and her mom asked to go home.

    She left me with three children to care for (20mths, 5 years, and 12 years old) and I have to pay all the bills…..crap for support. While we support her military career, she is treating us like crap. For years I have protected her career and sacrificed mine for hers to support her and she treats us like dirt. She only cares about herself.

    She told me she does not have a heart….and she does not know how to love. She has put a pistol to her head and threatened to kill herself….after I took off one night just driving around cause I could not take it anymore. Everyone thought I was gonna hurt myself but I needed a breather…..when I go back she asked if I wanted to have sex, when I said not she stuck a gun to her head (no clip in it though).

    She has been lying like crazy to everyone….I have busted her several times. It is just getting worse. There is so much more I would need days to explain it all. The strangest stuff is when she gets caught lying she literally does not speak for about ten seconds and then starts another subject like the prior never happened….it is the oddest thing…..

    Can anyone help me sort this stuff out….I feel like I am living in LaLa Land.

28. Joe on April 28th, 2011 5:22 am

    Hi, Gabriel–

    I’m sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. Nobody can offer a diagnosis online, but from your description, it certainly sounds as though your wife is suffering from some sort of mental trauma and needs professional help.

    My guess is that you wife’s behavior is uncharacteristic of what it was early in your relationship, meaning something must be at the root of this dramatic change in personality/behavior — something she’s probably not in control of.

    I know you want to protect your wife in terms of her career, but I’m not sure that is doing her any favors. If she is experiencing a major psychiatric break, that’s not your wife you’re dealing with — it’s an illness that your entire family, especially your wife, has fallen victim to.

    Remember, it’s not your wife but the illness that’s the enemy here. First and foremost, protect yourself and your children. Perhaps you can consult with a therapist or psychiatrist on your own who can assist you in getting help for your wife, if she is ill, or in sorting out what’s really going on.

    Ten years ago, I felt just like you did… feeling like I was living an incomprehensible nightmare, at my wit’s end, completely discombobulated. Like you, I left the house late one night and just drove around. Since then, I’ve seen others with the same “deer in the headlights” look on their face. Life has gotten much better for us since then. I have gotten my wife back, she has gotten herself back, and our children have gotten their mother back. Maybe you’ll find some hope in that.

    Wishing you and your family all the best.

29. Jenny on June 22nd, 2011 6:17 pm

    Hi all,

    I was just wondering if anyone could give me any feedback on my sixteen year old sister. Today is her sweet sixteen, and let’s just say that she woke me up at 6:45 AM already having a screaming argument with my mother, accusing her of not wishing her a happy birthday, which my mother did first thing. This followed by a lapse of hysterical crying and an afternoon where she disappeared after school. She didnt open any of her presents, claimed she didnt want them, cake, or to go out to dinner. This has been going on since Christmas, where she left her presents unopened for almost two weeks. She did the same on Easter, and again on her confirmation, where she left her present on the counter for so long my mom had to put it outside of her door. When she was younger, it was almost like she had a seperate personality which we called “CLEM”, and it was like nothing i had ever seen before. There was no reasoning with her, and a lot of times there were no tears. Just viscious snapping and glaring and just plain mean. Then she would miraculously snap out of it. The second personality seemed to disappear as she got older, or maybe I stopped paying attention as I started to drive, graduated HS, and then began college, but now it is back in full force. She barely speaks. When she walks, she stomps around the house as hard as she can. She tells my mother she is a horrible mother. She doesnt eat dinner anymore. My grandmother basically moved out because she was such a psycho and hit my grandmother when she got worked up. I wore a shirt once with her permission and she didn’t talk to me for 5 months. When she does talk, it’s close to a whisper, like she can’t even form the words and she hangs her head and looks sideways at you. Most of the time, you could literally talk to her and she will walk right by you as if you said nothing at all. She is quick to fly off the handle at anything and everything. My poor mother tries endlessly to please her, driving her 5/6 hours for competitive cheerleading competitions, organizing and driving her friends everywhere and anywhere they want to be. My sister won’t even ask my mom for rides places unless she is the absolute last resort. However, with her friends, she is peppy – almost annoying. When she snaps out of it, she is so happy it is almost weird and obnoxious. These don’t last long (maybe a day) and are few and far between (once a month) and the rest of the time she is her other self. Most of the time, she is a daddys girl but there are times when she even treats him this way. I know my mom doesnt punish her behavior because she thinks she is a terrible mother so it has gone into a viscious cycle. She has kept her grades up, however. My mother is not a terrible mother, at all. My parents are still together, we have everything we want including a lake house. I go to a private college and have a 3.8 GPA, i don’t do drugs, neither does she. She is tall and beautiful. I dont know what is wrong with her but I am afraid she is becoming a danger to herself. This is so far beyond normal teenage rebellion, it’s ridiculous.

30. sara on September 12th, 2011 5:30 am

    Hi Gabriel,

    I am sorry what your going through. I think the only thing you can do is put your foot down and tell her get help or your leaving.

    I think that based on the past (you have protected her, took the blame and so on..) she expects that that behavior will continue and so she keep treating you worse. I do believe that when they find out that your playing anymore and they really care for you, that that behavior will stop.

    My husband also treated me bad and whenever I caught him on a lie/ or after he treated me bad and I tell him, he would lie again or pretend it never happened or would act like he understood but I did not. (For example we went on holiday and he wanted to have sex. I told him we need to turn up the tv otherwise the people next door might hear us.. well he got so mad and stuff like that.. anyway when he came down from his mood and I talked to him about he was like… no we could not have sex because otherwise the people next door would hear us… )

    At the moment he left (for a stupid reason and he noticed he made a mistake) instead of being a man and accept the mistake he will try to shift blame on me (before I always took blame, for the peace , but it is getting old now).

    He might crash soon and I will see if he is ready to stay on his meds and therapy, if not I know I tried everything I could.

    I hope your wife will get help soon and you can continue your relationship.

    good luck

31. mom on September 18th, 2011 12:14 pm

    I too have a daughter that I believe is Bi-polar and I Know is an alcoholic. she is 27 and has me so worried that I don’t know what to do.
    I have read all of these posts, and can understand and relate to all of them.
    What can we do and where can we get help for these children? as parents, we feel helpless.
    We love these children, but, unfortunately at
    times we feel true hatred this leads to guilt.
    where do we go for help? what are the first steps?

32. Lisa on October 5th, 2011 12:22 am

    My husband is Bipolar 2, and OCD. I’m Bipolar 1, and ED-nos, I found this site while trying to decide whether to stay on my meds. or ask my psy to take me off because “normal” feels WAY to strange. Thank-you for helping me decide NOT to. We are currently in the process of seeing if our son has our illness or if it’s learned behavior from when we were unmedicated, and/or mis-diagnosed. Thank-you again!

33. Mari on October 8th, 2011 7:58 pm

    I have read through so many of these replies. I am numb -our 24 year old daughter is displaying so many of the symptoms mentioned here.So many pieces of the puzzle are coming together from reading all this. The lying manipulating living stress to stress drama to drama, grandiosity, delusional thinking, narcissism, impulsiveness, not sleeping right, highs and lows in mood level, feeling nothing for other people, anger, seething, change in character not being able to focus using poor judgment, Taking off to NY meeting up with strange people she met on a forum, and so much more. We are desperate to get her into the right treatment we just put the pieces together 3 days ago after researching about Narcissism and other mental illnesses. Bi- polar fits so much of what she is exhibiting Thank you for all for writing your experiences.

34. Anonymous on December 26th, 2011 12:12 pm

    I’m ready to sever ties with my daughter too. In three months she’ll be 18 and I’m counting down the days. I’ve done everything I could. The other family members can only take her in small doses (usually that is 3 days max) and have all moved away. I am the only one left in her life and it’s been difficult, even her own father doesn’t see her much anymore. I’m too the point where I’ve considered suicide myself because I’m so tired of it all. I’ve also used the system all I could, now she is an adult and I have no say. I fear that when she moves out things will get worse and she’ll take her own life. I don’t want to be around to see it. I’m finished with this nightmare illness.

35. carole swainston on January 31st, 2012 9:01 am

    I am really happy to have found this site. My daughter is 38 and has had bi-polar since she had her first child. I do wonder whether the fact that she did drugs from University onwards brought it on. We have always been very close, when she got really bad after her second child, her husband sent her over to us (they live in the States) we looked after her for 8 months. Then she wanted to divorce her husband. We bought her a house and then she promptly stopped taking her meds, and began getting more and more paranoid, not coming round, and telling everyone who would listen how awful we were. In the end, she left the four bedroomed house that we had bought her like the Marie Celeste, and took our grandchildren to the states with the husband she said she wanted to divorce!! She left us with a house she had chosen, (which we told her was not a good buy), and it took us 18 months of paying the mortgage before we could sell it. I was heart broken, and felt completely used.

    However this was not enough for her, last summer she wrote me an evil email blaming me for everything that was wrong in her life, saying she was neglected as a child etc,etc. She was really spoiled as a child!

    Then she began writing a blog on Psychobabble, (you may like to look at it) giving me a total character assassination, I was the most evil person that lived. I was heartbroken and it wasn’t until I started looking “lies and bi-polar” that I began to realise this was just the illness talking, which makes it slightly more bearable. Her husband is a “Street Performer” and so they are always in debt, and he is the rudest, most arrogant man I have ever met, who also blames me for everything, I am now thinking that he may have bitten off more than he can chew, as she is so ill.. Last summer she was sectioned and had to have ECT, which shows you how bad she is. Finally I heard from her on Christmas day, when out of the blue, after the viscious email she sent in the summer, she emailed me and wished me a merry christmas, and a good new year. I left it for a week and then wrote and wished her the same, but in addition I told her I had read all her blogs – I have not heard from her since!

36. Cristyl on April 7th, 2012 4:22 am

    I feel for you Jane. My daughter is 22 and she blames everything on my invalid husband and myself. We are raising her daughter who is 3 and a blessing.
    We have continuously gotten her out of jail, paid fines, watched as she parades her men in and out of our home. She has no respect for herself or anyone else. She uses people until they are used up and throws them away or they finally get her told.
    She takes no responsibility for anything. She is on and off of meds and around her menstral cycle it is worse than ever.
    I am finacially drained, physically drained and emotionally exhausted.
    I thought of just cutting her off completely but how?
    She sends me violent verbally abusive e-mails and threathens to take the baby all the time. She states that she is independent and on her own and wants us out of her life and then calls and needs food, money and to borrow the car.
    I almost wish she would just go away. I really don’t think I can take this anymore.

37. Denise on May 5th, 2012 2:48 pm

    Son is in a five year relationship with a bipolar woman. She can be the most pleasant person when she is “normal” but when she is not then the threats, lies, tantrums and abuse start.
    If he stays she hits him, if he leaves she screams like a three year old, she threatens police (today because he took a shower that was too long). If he restrains her from hitting him she claims abuse because she has a black and blue from where he holds her wrist.
    Their son gets upset because of the fighting and we intervene because of the grandson.
    We want to stay out of it but she has threatened suicide several times and has threatened to disappear out of state if we do not comply.
    We can not plan family activities because she is so unpredictable.
    I have tried the tact of making it clear what we will tolerate or not but am really at my wits end. Most research says they are ill and to make allowances but she is damaging her son, my son and my family. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle the threats without ignoring them?

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