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Bipolar Blog
I Hate Being Bipolar
Posted January 9, 2012
I hate being bipolar. I hate that the mania feels so good BUT ALWAYS GETS ME INTO TROUBLE. I am currently taking Neurontin, Prozac, and Abilify and it’s working. (I am at a happy medium.) In the past I have always stopped taking my medicine HOPING TO GET A LITTLE MANIC, which as I get older I realize is SO STUPID because I either end up in jail or the nut house OR BOTH.
I could tell a bunch of stories, but I would have to write a book, so for now this is all I can share. People have asked me what the mania feels like, and all I can say is for me it feels like I have done a huge line of cocaine and can’t come down for like weeks, sometimes months. The mania is not worth THE CRASH OF DEPRESSION HELL which lasts way longer than the mania. It’s not worth going off my medicine, so I have my fiancé monitor me taking it each day. It’s very important to have a good doctor and a strong support system. THANK GOD BIPOLAR is TREATABLE. Good Luck to Everyone.
One Response to “I Hate Being Bipolar”
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You sound like you are happy about the fact that you have Bipolar Disorder. The way you explain that the medications you take is supposedly working. Well, how do you know if it is working? Define working. You believe what the doctors and nurses tell you to believe. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 about 9 years ago and now I am almost 25. My ex-psychiatrist retired me from appointment with him because of my age. The point is that the ONLY thing he could do for me is prescribe me pills of different sorts, and me to try it. I did as told hoping that things will get better or be different. Well it did not. All I noticed is that I was manic for few months and depressed for even longer. However, I was allowed to be off medications with the doctor’s approval between times. I realized that even being on medications I got manic or suffered from depression. I often think that maybe being on and switching from one psychotic pill to another may have effected my brain. I have been hospitalized numerous times and been to jail 3 times. Now I have nothing. I am an unemployed-hermit with no friends. Anyhow, I do still take pills because I am told that it will get me better. It did not and perhaps will not. I am finally thinking of not visiting a psychiatrist any more. I find it pointless and well waste of time and brain cells. I maybe mentally challenged but not retarded. After all this time I realize that doctors, nurses and social workers are all trained to tell you that medications works. What they do not tell you is that medication is the other name for prescribed “drugs” that can enhance or alter your brain chemistry permanently. Which makes a person reliable on their services; hence keeping them employed. I could go on about my experiences with having Bipolar Disorder, but that will make it a “never-ending story. However, briefly I can tell you that I live isolated and anticipate my death every night before I fall asleep.