2 Responses to “David from Manchester, England”

1. Janine on August 29th, 2008 3:19 am

   Hi David,
   I just left a man because of his behavior, which is the same behavior you are describing. I put up with it for a while, we were together 6 years. Then it go so aggressive and scary that he started to threaten me, using a large kitchen knife at one point. I was unaware he was bipolar until I left, giving him the reality check he needed to go see a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, after a few sessions, he decided that the psychiatrist was crazy and giving him medicine for no reason, so he stopped taking it and went back into his manic state which had subsided a little for the few weeks he was seeking treatment. So, I just want to let you know that if you don’t find a way to get help and stabilize yourself, your significant other will probably leave you like I was forced to do, I didn’t want to, but I didn’t feel there was a safe alternative, I would just be wondering every night if he would wake up and decide to kill me that night and I can’t live with that uncertainty. Maybe you should do a long term stay at hospital for a month or so? This would maybe help determine a better level for your medicines and it would give your family a break that they probably need.

2. Michelle - Manchester on October 9th, 2008 11:12 pm

   Hi David,

   I am from near Manchester. I have recently been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, though now know I have been suffering from this for many years. I identify with your email more than anything else I have read. I am 31 and following recent therapy, I am (on the surface) feeling hopeful that I can cope with this and get my life back on track, now that I know about it. In my heart though, I know that the devil in me (I just do know how to go wild with devastating consequences for myself, the people who love me, and often others around me), will resurface at some point – as much as i want so much for that not to be the case. I have chosen not to take medication. My recovery plan involves knowing how to bring myself down (through relaxation) when I feel high (and making sure I religiously do this even though it’s the last thing I want to do when I am buzzing away!). Also, I have vowed to change my lifestyle so I never go out on ‘high risk’ occasions (e.g. with the girls). I am desperately trying to get pregnant (with my partners agreement)…. in the hope that if I have a family, I will be forced to remain stable (behaviour and mood). It scares me to hear your story…as obviously you are still suffering, probably more so now you have a family, because of the added guilt.

   My Dad was my age (31) when he committed suicide (he was bipolar and alcoholic also) and was so irritable with us as children and very violent with my mum when he was drunk. I now understand so much his behaviour as I believe I am a female version of him. I find it very hard to cope with being someone whose behaviour I do not identify with when I feel ‘normal’. In terms of advice – I do find the relaxation helps so much as it brings me down from my manic episodes naturally…rather than my previous (albeit unconscious) method of self medicating with alcohol or drugs. Maybe you could learn how to do this and try it. Therapy has also been really helpful for me, though i have been lucky to get this through private healthcare through work…maybe worth asking your GP whether you could have access to therapy.

   I really feel for you as i know how low you can feel after hurting / being horrible to the people around you, and also how difficult it is to control the mood and the behaviour…even when you know how much you don’t like that part of yourself!! Good luck with things, Michelle.

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