Bob’s Wife with Bipolar

Posted May 31, 2011

Heartbroken and devastated from ending a marriage with my bipolar wife

I married a woman two years ago, and everything went well for the first six months, then everything went haywire. Before it went haywire she went to the gym and hired a trainer to lose 68 pounds in order to seduce me into marrying her. Well, I ended up marrying her, and I thought I was in heaven. Then, she started spending money frivolously and impulsively to the tune of causing me to file for bankruptcy.

You see, between the two of us we took in over $150,000 per year. She makes $20,000 more per year than me. She would only help pay by paying the minimum because she said if she helps pay the debt too soon I would end up leaving her when the debt was gone. She also taught her daughter to disrespect me in my own home. You see, the 2 of them lived like utter slobs to the point of ruining my house. When I tried to teach her daughter to not get black nail polish on my brand new carpet and leave unfinished food laying all around the house my wife would reprimand me in front of her daughter and tell her that I had a personality disorder. So, now the daughter can do anything she wants in my home. My wife would let her stay up all hours of the night with the TV blaring, go in the refrigerator and eat junk food whenever she wanted, and now the child is obese and looking unhealthy.

My wife also has a severe compulsive gambling problem and Vicodin problem. She always made me feel like crap because she said I was trying to take her gambling and her Vicodin. I told her she can do anything she wants as long as it was done responsibly. She actually said to me, “Could you imagine how much money I’d have if I stopped gambling and the impulsive spending?” I replied, “Yea, then we could start doing things as a family.” Her comeback, “Well you can save for that.” She use to constantly complain about me having a house and credit cards when she doesn’t, “What kind of husband are you if you don’t let your wife use the credit cards?” Well, I did and now I am filing for bankruptcy. I finally told her and her daughter they had to leave. She left, and now she is punishing me.

Here is where the bipolar disorder comes in. When she left she told me with tears that she doesn’t want a divorce. OK, I thought maybe we could try and patch and save the marriage. I helped her move, came over on weekends to help fix things around her new place, took them out to dinner, and bought a bunch of things for her. I would do all these things only to go through her bipolar episodes of constantly reminding me of forcing her to live like she has to now because I told her to leave. One moment she loves me and the next I was a jerk for throwing her love in the gutter.

She makes $90,000.00/yr. and is constantly broke and expects me to bail her out financially like a good husband. I have her and her daughter on my health insurance at the cost of $558 monthly. You see, she gets 200 Vicodin every month on my insurance and would only get 30 Vicodin per month on her insurance. And if she goes on her insurance she is afraid that her HMO Company would see her medical history with the possibility of losing her RN nursing license.

She can be pleasant one moment and at the drop of a hat be screaming at me and putting me down. She is a 24/7 complainer and you never know what will trigger an episode. She does this with her daughter all the time. She keeps her daughter at home, gives her anything she wants, and then screams at her by cursing at her and threatening her daughter that she is going to have her live with her father in VA because her daughter is constantly trying to get her mother’s attention which she hardly gives her.

Her daughter can’t socialize very well, so my wife keeps her at home all alone in the middle of now where during the day and most nights when my wife goes gambling. The child writes on Facebook constantly how crazy her mom is and can’t wait to go to VA for the summer so she can get away from her crazy mom. The child never leaves the house, but leaves only when her mom takes her for junk food or to the restaurant for dinner because her mom has all these ailments and doesn’t want to cook.

I went over her house a couple of weeks ago and went gambling with her because I told her I would, but also told her we should gamble responsibly. Well she lost her money and asked me for money to keep on playing. I gave her twenties up to $100 and told her we should go home because her daughter has to eat. Well, I took them to dinner. While we were eating at the restaurant she had the nerve to ask me to pay her cable bill. I didn’t say a word because I didn’t want to trigger an episode in public. She then told me to hold off because she might work something out. Well I held out and she didn’t say anything further, so I left without giving her any money.

The next week after not answering my phone calls until the following weekend she asked me how does it feels not having a wife answering my phone calls. She screamed and cursed me up and down for not giving her any money. She also said she knows she lost her money gambling, but she doesn’t have a husband to fall back on and bail her out. Meanwhile I hear her daughter in the background say, “Mommy if I had the money I would give it to you, not like your husband.” I then said, “But you make $20,000 a year more than me.” She said, “I knew you would say that so f*** you Bobby,” and hung up. My friend overheard the whole episode and it even shook him up.

I finally had enough of her rollercoaster ride of one minute she loves me to the next abusing and putting me down when all I’m trying to do is help her. I can’t give any more. I would have stopped the world and helped, but if they refuse to see they have a problem and won’t seek help for themselves, then there is nothing we can do. We must now take care of ourselves. Yes I know it hurts, but should we keep taking the abuse and ruin our health? I would have given my wife the world if she could only see her problem and maintain responsibly, but I can’t help her because she doesn’t think she needs it. She told me one time that when she has to retire and doesn’t have anything to be secure she will just end her life. All I wanted was to have a family and do things as a family. Now, I’m extremely heartbroken and devastated.

7 Responses to “Bob’s Wife with Bipolar”

  1. What Happens to Love in a Bipolar Relationship | Bipolar Beat on June 7th, 2011 8:33 am

    [...] Bob posted a story on our original Bipolar Blog called “Heartbroken and devastated from ending a marriage with my bipolar wife.” In his story, Bob talks about all he would do for his wife only to feel unappreciated and [...]

  2. Brandon on August 16th, 2011 10:33 pm

    Wow, oddly enough that is exactly how my bipolar disorder flared to fruition. I’ve had a history of gambling addiction my entire life, inability to save money, impulse spending, for some reason I felt that my girlfriend was lazy and fat. I resented her for not cleaning more often or being in shape. The gambling got terrible, and I was being terrible, so she left. After that I got pretty depressed and had my first real manic episode (spent every single penny that I had and a whole bunch of pennies that I didn’t really have playing super-tilt don’t-give-a-fuck poker) and I’ve been f’d up ever since..;.

    I wonder if certain personality traits like that may indicate certain risk factors for bipolar disorder. Fortunately for me my disorder is relatively minor compared to others. Through super self control I can usually get through manic episodes with no damage done, except for a whole bunch of word vomit.

    Oh yeah. You. Sorry. Your (ex?)wife needs help man. Meds can go a very long way helping her. If she won’t get help then get her some good old fashioned court ordered help. I know in Florida you can get her involuntary admission for a psych eval at least if she’s suicidal and refusing help (especially with a kid involved). And that is no scenario for any child to grow up in. That kid is going to be messed up. You need to step up and help them.

  3. Ann on December 1st, 2011 9:17 am

    I am sorry you had a bad experience (or many), but I would like you to have sensitivity to your wife’s condition (for a start it sounds like you were superficial enough to marry her only for her looks so maybe you should also blame yourself). You also make it sound like people with bipolar are bad or don’t need love like everyone else. She might need to go to hospital and you would get her help if you really cared. She also sounds like possibly misdiagnosed and has BPD instead. Has she had a formal diagnosis or are you defaming her cause you are trapped in a bad marriage?

  4. katherine on December 8th, 2011 4:17 pm

    I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I AGREE THAT PERHAPS YOU NEED TO REALIZE THAT SHE NEEDS HELP. I GET THAT YOU NEED TO VENT… MY FAMILY IS ALSO INCAPABLE OF EMPATHY. HOWEVER, THEY UNDERSTAND THAT MY DISORDER IS UNTREATABLE DUE TO ITS SEVERITY. IM THINKING THAT INSTEAD OF WORRYING ABOUT $…SINCE YOU CANT TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU DIE…YOU SHOULD BE THE HERO/GODSENT MAN. CONSTANTLY CRITISIZING IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. SHE MIGHT HAVE AN EPISODE & BLOW HER FACE OFF. IM JUST SICK OVER THIS. YOU KNOW THAT HER SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND GAMBLING ISSUE IS BECAUSE SHE NEEDS HELP. MAYBE INSTEAD OF MAKING MATTERS WORSE, YOU COULD RESEARCH OPTIONS SHE HAS THAT WOULD SUIT HER NEEDS. PLEASE GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE. THE ONLY THING SHE CAN BE BLAMED FOR IS NOT TREATING HER OBVIOUS ILLNESS.

  5. DAVID on January 21st, 2012 12:14 pm

    KATHERINE…ITS EASY TO TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY SHOULD STOP WORRYING ABOUT MONEY WHEN THE NEED A ROOF OVER THEIR HEAD AND NEED MONEY TO BUY FOOD AND ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE NEED TO LIVE…AS FAR AS GETTING OFF HIS HIGH HORSE IT SEEMS HE IS STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND THE SITUATION AND SEEMS CONFUSED AS TO WHAT TO DO….ALSO…NOT ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR HER ACTIONS WONT HELP HER IN ANYWAY EXCEPT ALLOW HER TO CONTINUE DOING THE WRONG THINGS….WHY DOES IT SEEM THAT THE PERSON WHO STRUGGLES TO DEAL WITH THE BIPOLAR PERSON IS ALWAYS MADE OUT TO BE THE BAD PERSON?

  6. livewithmania on March 29th, 2012 11:01 pm

    What you can do if your bipolar wife does not want to change, to seek help and do nothing at home but blaming you and others???

  7. Bipolarhubby on April 7th, 2012 8:38 am

    My husband is bipolar and is in a manic phase. He was hospitalized for 3 weeks, during which he received ELectro Convulsive Therapy about 6 times. He is on medication which I made sure he’d take. He’s been home for a week, during which he was fine although very sleepy and did not leave the house. Then yesterday, I saw that look on his face, that different man. And by midnight, he was strangling, punching and kicking me. I couldn’t leave the house coz he had the keys and locked the door, couldn’t call for help coz he took my phone and refused to give it back, in fact he deleted the numbers of anyone in close proximity that I could call…my nightmare went on and on as he alternately slapped and punched me and attempted to strangle me…I finally broke free and locked myself in the bathroom. Then he fell asleep and I packed a bag while he snored and sneaked away…I found a spare key and just left. I haven’t been back, and I can’t go back because I think this person will kill me one day. He’ll do it, and just like he says, “I’ll get away with it and blame bipolar”.
    This is someone on MEDICATION. he went to hospital, he got treatment and counseling and he is stone cold sober, no alcohol or drugs.
    He is a psychopath, who uses his illness to manipulate others and is distinctly violent only towards me.
    I am sorry for those of you who have this condition. I really want you to understand this though. For me, and millions of spouses like me, you have NO RIGHT, NO JUSTIFICATION, NOTHING, to destroy the lives of others by being bipolar. You are not the only ones with this condition, but when you do such things to your spouse, we KNOW that its deliberate, its malicious and done with every hateful intent, because other bipolar people don’t do that to their spouses.
    You need to KNOW that through all of this, we love you with everything we’ve got, but we cannot let you go on destroying our lives and that is why we leave you. Because we too, have a right to be alive, to be happy to be at peace and to be safe in our own homes.
    My resolve to leave him will not be swayed by his treatment plan nor even by the progress he makes, because for me it is CLEAR, if I don’t leave on my two legs I will leave in a casket.

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